Monday, June 8, 2009

Summer Blues

Oh, Summer thou hath been sweet to me. Lending me the isolation i crave and in dire need for by the end of the school year. In the past your lovely season gave me space from people. Separated me from my peers, gave me room to breathe. But now my summer is sadly cut short, taken away from me, pried out of my cold bleeding fingers and sliced in half before my eyes! Replaced, by something sinister, and evil. Something that it's sole reason of being is to drive me... slowly... insane...

Summer School.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why doesn't everyone just shoot me in the freaken butt! At least that would hurt much less. God knows it would be MUCH more quicker.

Just letting you in on a little secret here that most people wouldn't ever guess about me (on account of me being a smart ass most of the time) I'm not really "smart", well not academically that is. I possibly on average am a B- student and science was never my strong point in the past. So of course i fail Biology in my first semester of 9Th grade! Ugh! Damn, Biology and it's little organisms, too!

Luckily, i managed to skim by with a nice little D on my second semester. So that means i only have to make up one semester and so that means after this week and the next and one day no more school for me until August. Whoopie-freaken-doo for me!


Oh, bejesus. I've just been rambling here. The real problem is not summer school (ok maybe just a smidgen). The real problem is this guy that's been chasing me since the middle of the school year! Apparently, he had to go to summer school, too (no surprise there, he doesn't look that studious) and all today he was trying to talk to me and I had to keep avoiding him. But by the end of the day he trapped me while i was waiting for my dad to pick me up. Seriously, i was trapped like a caged animal. I mean i admit i could have ran away from him but that's a bit harsh don't you think? Dang, I'm not that much of a bitch. So i was cornered and he asked me for my phone number and not knowing how to say no nicely (is there a way? If there is please tell me!) i gave my phone number to him.

Ah, hell! What is wrong with the dude? I'm over weight, anti-social, i NEVER talk to him or his friends. So why is he so interested? Maybe it's because I'm a Mexican girl who acts white, looks Asian, and has a black girls ass and boobs.

Why couldn't the guy that i liked all year liked me instead? And what makes no sense is that in 7Th grade that guy who's chasing me was completely mean to me back then! God this universe is so crazy it make ME sane.


MayleneVsLucia said...

You should give him a chance. It's good to try and see the best in everyone. He probably likes you for you! It's harder now to feind people like that, in this generation. It's all about appearances and not the soul. I think it's stupid. Love knows no boundaries, but yet most people do for who they need/want. It's ridiculous.

Wow you've been through a lot. But by reading yours, not nearly as horrible as mine. A lot of lives are harder than ours, remember that. So never judge people, until you understand everything. I'm not gonna ramble on about the horible events that have and are going on in my life. Maybe I will someday state it all in my blog. I just don't want to scare people off or anything lol..

My first childhood memories are unbearable too. I know how hard it is to recover from earlier memories than newer ones, is it like that for you too?

I'm never happy with myself. Well I like my soul and personality, It's just my body and my past. I hope to our lives will get better into what we want to realistically have them be.

Once I get the procedures to make me feel better (electrolysis and MAYBE rhinoplastry)about myself I know then my self esteem and body image will at least EXIST. I hope best for you too.

Starting today I won't be able to think thoughts like that... I can try but the meds I'm now on (see new blog post) stop me from that. It's built a steel wall again that I had almost knocked down. Steel wall protecting me from myself and others, and also a sheild to stop the bad memories I was so close to remembering, coming through. I want to remember, but now I can't. I was so close to it, Almost had a hold of it, but my sorrow was growing and I was afraid I'd do something to myself I would regret. At those moments I'm suicidal I want to do it, but after I get so afraid I ever thought that, almost done it, It's my good memories and my loved ones and things I enjoy that make me stop, make me cry for needing to leave, and make me realize it's not over yet. When that is over I'd think I've over longed my stay, but again my memories reasure me. I feel I don't belong, but I must stay for my loved ones. You probably don't understand?