Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Self Worth

I just finished reading The Indigo Notebook and it was very inspiring. Not to be such a bookworm (let's face it i am) but I can't help but just feel overjoyed when I read a book that really makes you think about your life and your choices you make. I've come across a few, like the book Wicked Lovely which got me appreciating tattoos and completely changing my idea on them. Wicked Lovely ultimately got me wanting to have a tattoo one day. It was then after I read A Great and Terrible Beauty that I realized I wanted to become an author, that was a definite life changer. Now the Indigo Notebook has got me thinking about helping others in different countries who are less fortunate then the U.S. I've decided that in the future I want to volunteer in the Peace Corps. I mean it makes sense, right? I always have loved to volunteer for things in school and helping out when I can. It gave a good feeling helping others. There was this time recently when I decided to help my best friend volunteer at this Chinese New Year's Celebration and I helped out with blowing up balloons and painting little kids faces. I enjoyed every second even when my hands started cramping up from painting so many faces but I didn't let it bother me. The whole day was fun and I could just feel my spirit feed off this good deed and feel better about myself.
All my life I have been sheltered and cared for by almost everyone... I mean my parents are in a good place financially in their lives with a good home and food always in the fridge. My older siblings are now in their 20s and don't need my parents anymore which sort of makes me the only child now which means I get an even better life then they did because my parents only have me to think about. I go to a pretty good school in the dreadful suburbs and I'm pretty smart. In a way I am fortunate but I still take it for granted. Something tells me that by joining the Peace Corps will help me grow up and live and survive independently and help people. I decided I want to do that after graduation. I don't know exactly when but sometime in the near future. It will definitely surprise my family and friends but I hope it will help them see me in a different way and find some sort of respect for me afterwards and not just see me as "a spoiled, useless, inconsiderate brat" like know they do.
Most people think I'm a snob or Gothic (even though I don't only wear black) or just a bitch but I'm glad to say they're people who see a pretty good kind hearted person who just wants to feel some self worth in her life.
Crap, am I rambling???
Whatever, I just wanted to let out what I thought...
I mean isn't that what a blog is for?
List of What I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. Publish a novel
2. Graduate High School with at least a 3.5 GPA
3. Go to a great Liberal Arts School OUT OF STATE
3. See the world
4. Join the Peace Corps
5. Find Happiness and Self Worth