Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Freaking Out!!!

I'm at a serious lost right now. I am slowly and steadily freaking out with my grades right now. I have 7 more weeks of school and my grades are like this:
Pre-AP English: C+
Spanish: B
Stagecraft: A
U.S. History: A
Geometry: C
Astronomy: B
I had an A in Pre- AP English Lit. now because I got a C on my last persuasive essay... a C on a discussion group... and a C on a vocab quiz. I have a 79 in the class. I AM PISSED OFF. I need an A in that class. I mean I'm planning on majoring in some type of Literature and I'm going to be in AP Lang. in junior year which is incredibly hard.
All I can say is I'm in deep shit.
Not to mention there is no way in hell that i will be able to raise that C in Geometry because the teacher is just plain a horrible teacher.
As for Astronomy I think I can raise it to an A by the end of the semester and as well as Spanish if I really knuckle down.
I know for a fact my A in History and Stagecraft won't be going anywhere. Yet my goal for the end of this second semester was to have all As. I can't help but feel a bit discouraged by how much my grades are suffering. At least to my standards.
I really want to get into a great liberal arts college and my greatest fear right now is to look stupid in front of everyone and not go to college. I want it, I can almost taste it... but will I only ever imagine going to college? I'm a struggler through life, always have been. In weight, in social interacting with my peers, and academically. When I was younger I was a bright kid, a smart one. But in middle school I sort of let more then my personal life fall but also my grades. I just didn't care and now I'm suffering the consequences because I let my brain go into mush back in the day. My best friends are almost straight A students. One of my best friends has only one B and the rest are straight A's and my other best friend has two B's and the rest are of course straight A's. It seems like I'm always trying to catch up to them but then get even more behind once I think I seem even a little closer on their level. They both tell me I'm doing great and applying myself but still I'm freaking out. I wish every class was like History. I mean all you need to do to achieve an A is read the text book, which I do and I haven't had anything lower then an A all year. Yet Pre-AP English doesn't have a text book and you can't really read a Geometry text book (doesn't matter we have only opened a text book in that class twice!).
It sucks and I'm trying, right now all I can do is hope my best is good enough to at least bring that C in Geometry and Pre-AP English to a B.
Did I mention I have terrible luck?