Friday, August 14, 2009

Surprise - Surprise... Not!

I just finished my second day of school. Which wasn't so bad as my first one. I would have blogged yesterday about my first day of school and i was planning on doing that but as soon as i got home I was in my bed and asleep. I was completely knocked out (reason being because i didn't sleep a wink the previous night) i even slept through my alarm that i had set for an hour later before i took my nap.

Anyway, yeah my first day of school was a series of surprises. And here's the thing" i never like surprises unless it's my birthday. I was just beginning to enjoy myself until 3rd hour Stagecraft (you know for the people who work backstage during plays). For once i wanted to experience how it felt being behind the stage then on it, like i've always have since 1st grade, either for choir or a play.

Well i guess the old saying is true. Curiosity did kill the cat! Or for me curiosity kicked my ass!

So there i was in the auditorium, sitting in my usual lonesome, with a book in hand and ignoring everyone as much as i can and then... i hear a familiar voice...


I just up and died right then and i would have stayed dead but as cruel and unusual punishment the great beyond sent me back before anybody could notice. When Rodent saw me he was surprised, too but not for the same reason. Apparently i didn't get the memo that not alot of girls did stagecraft. I was the only girl. With around twelve guys. Yet to my utter delight today another girl showed up. That whole first day i didn't talk to Rodent and i ignored him. Well except for once when our teacher was showing us the "ropes" backstage and Rodent held the door for me. I was the last to leave and when i saw him holding the door for me i hesitated. I didn't want to let him do something nice for me. He's been a complete ass to me and i refused him but Rodent became stubborn and kept holding the door for me. Finally, i just walked through.

WHen i told my friend this she was like "So what? Did you want him to just like shut the door in your face?" And i fumed and told her "YES!"

And then today when our teacher continued to show us around and we went upstairs we had to go up a freaken tall spiral staircase and when we finally reached the third floor we had to go up a ladder to the 4th floor! And just to let you know i am deathly afraid of heights and i admit when i had to go back down the ladder...

I freaked out.


But i made it (after the teacher coached me down) but by the time I got to the second floor i had to stop a sec to pull myself together. When i did though, Rodent stopped on the stairs to ask how i was. And he looked worried. He was like why did you freak out? and i was like that's none of your business! Just go and leave me alone! He didn't move though so i said, Go! Or i'll push you down the stairs! (note: i wouldn't, i'm a complete bluffer but nobody knows this because I can be very convincing)

He left and i was confused afterwards on account of his concern and willingness to talk to me. I thought he hated me too but apparently the feeling isn't really mutual. So i've decided that on Monday i'm going to ask Rodent if he knows about what his sister said to me last year. If he doesn't, i guess i can't blame him all that much and hate him. But if he does... i'm gonna ask why.

After that big slap in the face i got another when i entered my 5th hour and locked eyes with my ex-bff. The one i had when i was a shallow, popular snob. Like her.

During the summer after 7th grade, when my world was crumbling and i was in my darkest period my ex-bff traded me in for one of my ex boyfriends. I have no idea why the sudden change of heart that she made of our friendship but she just did. And it really hurt, especially at that certain time.

When i saw her i went and sat on the opposite side of the classroom and put my face in a book. Mentally giving her the finger and calling her every bad word imaginable. Afterwards when i entered my last class i saw my ex- crush (oh, lets call him Cover Boy because of his long eyelashes). This isn't really a bad thing except for the fact that he might possibly think i'm crazy.

Which i am but not the bad kind.

Hey, it's not my fault i crushed on a guy who's really good friends with a girl and i got extremely jealous. And he might have noticed. I don't know, he might have. So every time i see his face i am constantly reminded about my behavior in the past. Which is embarrassing.

God hates me, or likes to see me miserable. Either him/her or some other higher being. I think i might have been a terrible person in my past life because there is no freaken reason that all these bad stuff always happens to me. I mean i am not a bad person and believe it or not i do have a good heart but nothing good ever happens to me.

I should stop admitting my fears because it seems like every time i reveal them they come true.

I'm pretty much screwing myself over when i do.