Friday, November 6, 2009

Things REALLY Do Happen For A Reason

First things first, my father finally saw the light (or got sick and tired of my whining) and gave me an ultimatum... go to driver's ed and you can get your permit. When this happen I admit it was sort of bittersweet in a way because in the end I got what I wanted but now I have to go to my school's driver's ed class three times a week for two freaken hours until December. Well thanks dad!


Well I can tell you this that is quite surprising. It's a freaken blessing in disguise. Turns out driver's ed isn't so bad on the account of these reasons:
1. I'll be able to drive every Saturday... though the bad thing is I'll have to wake up at 8 am but that's not important much.
2. I don't have to ride the bus after school
3. There is a really cute guy in my driver's ed.


But that's not even the greatest surprise... the real surprise is that when a person turns seventeen and they get their permit they only need to wait 30 DAYS to get their licence!


there is only one thing to say to this:


HOLY FREAKEN CRAP! When the teacher told me this I just about wet myself! (well not literally the cute boy was in the room!) But anyway I was totally thrilled I did have to contain myself until class was over, I got home, and was in my room blaring Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield and dancing in front of my mirror with a brush to my hand looking like freaken Hilary duff in the Lizzie mcguire movie. (do not ask me why I know that, you should already know I'm a freak and I adore the movie)

I guess it all did work out in the end because now when I turn 17 in December I can go to the DVM and get my permit and in January I'll be able to get my licence. so yay me!

Now all I need is a car.... bejesus, I hope my dad isn't going to sell my sister's old Honda (the man is sure thinking about it).

Now let's talk about weight. I still weigh the same last time I checked but I haven't been working out for a wile now, well at least not consistently. And let me tell you my mother is not happy about this fact and she likes it to be known to me every single day. The woman is sooooo annoying it is not even funny.

It's just school, though. I never have time to work out and when I do I'm just so tired. But the night after last after looking at my grades (they were pretty good by the way) I decided to focus less on school right now and start getting back in shape.

I came up with a simple plan that I hope to sweet jesus it will work.
I lose five pounds every month.

Pretty simple I just hope I can do it.

And if my plan does beat the odds and work then by May I will be my ideal goal weight.

On to sadder news, though. My cousin, Eddie. It was just last year that he died and last Sunday was his memorial. I saw his parents at the church and like usual my heart ached for the family. Eddie's mother and little sis are going to therapy now and his father is just so sweet and kind, a good hearted man who is trying to be strong for everyone and it was just a lot to take in. Let me point out that i am not a religious person, I like to refer to myself as agnostic so you can imagine my being uncomfortable being in a church. My family are non-practicing catholics and so I had to attend a mass that day and guess what I was feeling?

Sheer and utter boredom. You see I get really bored, really fast and attending a mass not to mention that said mass being all in freaken Spanish, so I couldn't even understand a word and it just about put me to sleep (or gave my the itch to reach for ipod in my coat pocket). So there i was, listing to this two hour speech in Spanish by a priest who liked to tell his audience to kneel, stand up, sing, pray and give money to the church. Plus he really liked to hear himself talk I'm guessing.

But finally we got to the stuff that I was really there for. Everyone went outside (wearing Eddie T-shits) and holding white balloons they all set them free like at his funeral. It was so sad and I hugged his mom and dad and ended up crying like a baby as I watched the balloons fly away. While I witness the scene and felt the sadness wash over me like some tidal wave I had the sudden thought of something.

If things were reverse, like if I had died instead and not Eddie... would have Eddie have felt sad for me. Would he feel as i feel? Lord, I don't know. I mean I don't even know why I feel this way for him. In a way I might though, I feel sad that he was so young and talented but his life ended so soon. But I also feel bad for the parents because they lost their only son to something so trivial and having the outcome of it being that the court just let his murderer go...

I mean they didn't even DEPORT the dude! What the hell is up with that???

And the thing that makes me just go up and tears is that... sometimes I feel that i should have died instead of Eddie. I mean he had the great family, he was popular, and athletic... and I'm well, me.

I never really told anyone this but when I was at the hospital last year the day Eddie was killed and was on life support... When I was in his hospital room I imagined something. After I gave his parents a hug and was watching him lying in bed like he was asleep, with tears in my eyes... I imagined asking god to bring Eddie back and that he could take me instead. And then I pictured Him hearing my prayer and taking my soul instead of Eddie's. I saw myself in the hospital room with everyone and just suddenly falling to the ground, dead, while Eddie woke up.