Last Day of School... Sucks.

okay so it's been a week since school ended for me and on the last day of school of my freshmen year i wanted to tell my crush... who i have liked for the whole freshmen year... that i liked him. He was like the perfect guy for me. Smart, athletic, funny, sarcastic, a musician, who could capture a room by just walking in. Of course some people thought i was crazy for liking him... including my english teacher. lol But idk i just fell for him... even if he had a smart mouth. And at the time i thought he liked me back, possibly. Everytime our eyes would meet in class he'd make a funny face at me to make me laugh, he'd tease me and get really close to me sometimes in class. My best friend was convinced he liked me too by the way he acted. So i wanted to tell him what i felt for him on the last day of school right before my last class. But when i found myself in the hall with him on the last day of school... with only a few minutes till the bell rang.... I couldn't speak. My voice was gone and there i was standing in front of him like an idiot. I felt like hilary duff from Lizzie McGuire. And he was just standing there looking at me expectantly with a smile twitching on his lips. God, i still have the expression burned into my skull. Anyway, i got so mortified by it all and seeing his face like that I just blurted out, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!? He just blinked and laughed a little then his friend called his name and he said he had to go and wished me a great summer. So there i was standing there in the middle of my school hallway with my mouth gaping open and my mental self kicking me and screaming don't go to him.

I then wanted to cry because i couldn't tell him i felt and so i ran to the closest bathroom but just my luck his twin sister was in there with her friends so i ran my ass all the way to my best friends geomatry class and cried as she comforted me. Then because i was so desperate just to let him know I beged for her to tell him for me. And so she did. While I completley freaked out.

She then tells me afterwards that he was really surprised that I liked him and that he turned red. He was speechless for a bit and then asked her where i was and she told i was in class and then it was awkward scilence. Finally he said, I don't know how to respond to that...

After school ended and i managed to ecape the screaming crowd of kids in my hallways, I found him talking to my English teacher. Remembering that i forgot to say goodbye to her I decided to "casually" walk up to her and say my goodbye's. But when I did he just stood there looking at me for a few seconds and then he walked away. Before I could even say anything to him.

Confession

(5-29-09)


I did it

Confessed my sin

Gave someone my heart

And watched it

End

With a question mark written in blood

You walked away

Tangling my brain

In some endless confusion

A Coward

You must think I am

For not admitting in person

Yet you gave me no answer

No yes

Or no

No simple response

To my forbidden question

Just your backside

As I watched you go

Down that hall

Never looking back

Leaving me once and for all…


Who’s the Coward now?