tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90735172496035909112024-02-18T22:58:10.052-08:00Angel of InsanityPoetry is not dead. It's alive and it lives inside of me.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-79599027738320322302011-07-25T11:03:00.000-07:002011-08-01T14:27:49.500-07:00Oh Crap She's AliveOkay, I haven't been blogging recently. I guess I really don't have any excuse except forgetfulness, sleepyness, and lazyness. Sheesh, I'm a senior this up and coming semester, haven't you ever heard of Senioritus??? <br />Ugh! I just depressed myself right when I started talking about school. I don't really understand why I'm so extremely reluctant to start school again. Maybe it's because this is my last year of high school and deep down I don't really want school to end because I will miss all of my wonderful classmates...?<br />...<br />Nah!<br />I mean, Christ! WTF? A good 1/3 of the student body at my school I've known since I was freaken five and the rest has known me since 7th grade... <br />No. I would not miss those people.<br />Could it be because I detest my school's student body soooooooooooooo much that not even a whole summer of solitude from everybody while I stayed in my bed and slept the whole summer away trying to forget the whole world existed? But somehow junior year was so detestable that not even the whole summer could re-establish my good mood? <br />Probably.<br />Could it be that once school starts again I'm going to have to take my SATs/ACTs as well as begin to apply to colleges?<br />That's partially it.<br />I'm scared about my math portion of the SAT and ACT. I know that I can take more than one of each but still what if I don't do good on my math in any of them? I gotta tell you I don't exactly test well. And college. Jeez! I'm so indesisive and what if none of the colleges accept me? Yes, I'm scared.<br />Is it because this is the last year you have with He Who Walked Away? <br />And that is the other half that is getting me.<br />I'm probably never going to see him again if I pursue my dreams of leaving my "home" and going toan out of state college as well as joining the peace corps afterwards and then living out of the country in places like Amsterdam, Seoul, and Tokyo. Once this upcoming school year comes to an end I will never see him again and will ultimatly put into practice the whole "I love you but I'll learn to live without you" theory. <br />And I am not looking forward to it. NOT ONE FREAKING BIT.<br />I spent my fourth of July weekend in Chicago with relatives, got a cute blouse from Urban Outfitters --a store I don't have back where I live--, and hailed a taxie for the first time. Oh and the pizza was de-lish!!!! All weekend I was nagging my parents that we should really check out any pizzerias for some real Chicago style pizza and seriously once we did it was like heaven in your mouth and my whole family was like in love besides my mother who only ate a salad and never ate any of the pizza thus never tasted the orgasmic bliss of the Chicago Pizza Pie. <br />My Mother: Was it really that good?<br />Everyone: <em>Yes!</em><br />Besides that one weekend I haven't done so much. I tried applying for a job but considering I still don't have my license and can't drive my car without one or anyone that it 21 or older --not to forget my parents refuse to drive a long way to take me to work and will only let me work in our town limits and not the city across the river of our town-- it's not so surprising to say that that whole issue leaves me jobless for the time being. This town I live in is too small and no one is hiring. <br />Speaking of licenses: Yes, I still don't have one yet. I know... HA HA HA. Laugh all you want because really my whole life should be a tv show --I even think my two best friends still hang out with me because I am just <em>soooooooooooooo</em> entertaining to them. Really, was it all that surprising? Seriously? I have natural bad luck and have previously in this rant/blog that I just do not test well. My mother says I might just suffer a bit with anxiety.<br />My Mother: Maybe I could get the doctor to prescribe something...<br />Me: Oh, yeah. That's it! Drug up your kid so they can act normal. That's the way to go.<br />Maybe I could pass my driving test. Who knows.<br />I've already taken my driver's test twice at two different DMVs and I now know why I didn't pass them: My turns sucked and I get really nervous. <br />Well I have practiced my turns and have finally found the right way to turn for me and as for the nervous thing...I've decided... to bring along my Teddy that I have had since I was 3 years old as a comfort/moral support for me. I know I'm freaking weird but give me a break and I'm desperate for anything that could help in any way to make me less nervous. So Teddy will be in the back seat of my car while I take my driving test and if the instructor asks about it then I will probably tell the truth. Teddy has always been there when I needed comfort and its like everytime I hold her when I'm sad or scared or anything the emotion leaves my heart and I feel better. Maybe having Teddy in the car with me I can feel less nervous.<br />It could work. It's all in the mind. <br />I guess we'll just have to see and soon because tomorrow I'm going to take my diver's test for the third time, second this year because the first time was last year before my 18th birthday.<br />And as a reminder, there are a lot of people who don't have their liciense some are even in their twenties and don't have them. Russle Brand doesn't have one but is said to be learning so his wife Katy Perry doesn't have to drive him. Ruper Grint a.k.a Harry Potter didn't know either and has just learned. Robert Pattinson admits he still has trouble driving and is actually scared to drive although knows how to drive. Even Lady Gaga only has her permit! And there are even whole cities that a good portion of their people don't know how to drive (New York City, Tokyo). So there.<br />But all in all I know I am ready to get my liciense and just hope my nerves don't get the best of me or I am going to be pissed if I can't drive to school on the first day. And I'm not pleasent when I'm pissed.<br />I am not SPONGEBOB! I will get my lisience!<br />Me: Do you think I'm past my driving test on Tuesday?<br />My Mother: You can do anything you put your mind on.<br />Me: (I narrow my eyes of the woman) I can't wait until I have kids so I can annoy them with that very phrase.<br />Anyway, every night it seems I can't stop imagining my first day of school and driving there in my little Bug as I listen to Britney Spear's "I Wanna Go." And a girl can dream, it's just up to me to bring it to life.<br />And on to other trivalites. <br />I haven't eaten chocolate since the last week of school and won't be until the first day of school this year which is the only thing I'm pretty much joful about the impending day. <br />I made historian in my DFY club (Drug Free Youth) and currently decorating the scrapbook with pictures of last year's events and will be taking up my duty as a head member of the club and will help run the hundreds of kids in my club.<br />I've been drinking a lot of water, oatmeal, and apples to speed up my metabolism. Plus, I hike ten miles each weekend and either go on the tredmill or dance most of the week. I don't have a anything to keep track of my wieght but i have been measuring myself 9(bust, waist, love handles, butt, thighs, arms, calves) and have seen changes as well as tried on my tight jeans and they're now loose. So yeah, I'm happy about that. Over the weekends of my hikes my mother and I have had quite the little adventures involving me almost cussing out a woman and her horse for always cutting the leaves on the trail and leaving debrie behind thus almost causing me to trip and fall --and I swear if I see her again I am not going to be so nice. As well as running into a snake, running away from said snake and then having to go back and coach my mother who was rather struck frozen from the sight of the snake and almost getting attacked from a freaking BEAVER!<br />My Mother: Oh, (insert my name here)! Look!<br />Me: What! Look at what?<br />My Mother: Over there! What are you blind.<br />Me: (I kind of was blind I had recently started to wear glasses earlier this year and tend to not wear them when I hike in case they break somehow --like if I fall... which I do quite a lot because I'm like Bella Swan up in the wilderness. So I focus my eyes on where her finger is pointing at and there it is. The beaver almost seems like a statue people put on their lawns to make their houses tacky. It didn't move it just stared at us.) Cool! What is it?<br />My Mother: What do you mean what is it? It's a beaver!<br />Me: I've never seen one. I thought it looked kind of like a mutant squiral/bunny. (I start walking towards it.)<br />My Mother: What are you crazy! Don't get near it!<br />Me: Look at it! It's so small, what's it going to do? Attack me?<br />My Mother: Your dad said their really mean!<br />Me: But it's so cute!<br />(She calls my name and gets behind me, grabbing my arm and stearing me away. I shrug her off and take a step closer. And then it's turns to look at us and makes a fast move, like it's going to pounce on us.)<br />Both of us: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(We both jump back, and once we scream the beaver runs off in the opposite direction in response to our screams.<br />Me: (As I watch the beaver run his butt away) Was that little thing...?<br />My Mother: I told you they were mean!<br />Me: But we're so much bigger! What did it think it was going to do to us?<br />My Mother: That beaver has balls.<br />(I silently agree with her.)<br />My life should be on TV.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-11203400471193456162011-02-18T17:34:00.000-08:002011-02-18T18:48:11.635-08:00I fell in LOVEWith a pair of shoes.<br />Wait! Not <em>just</em> a pair of shoes, Sperry Top-Siders that are black with clear sequins and purple silk inside...<br />It was freaken love at first sight.<br />I mean seriously it was like I was falling in love with someone, which is freaky because this is a shoe not a human being that can love me back. Although I could have sworn that at one point in my entranced state I started hearing the Sperry calling my name.<br />IDK for all I knew it could have been my mother who was whining in the background because she was tired and, of course, naturally bitchy.<br />Of course.<br />My mother referred the shoe as a "Michael Jackson" shoe. I was like "Uh, hello? Didn't everyone copy his style, even now." At first I admit I was a bit wary, when isn't anybody when they're in love? And casually asked the shoe salesmen for a pair in my size only to later found out they had no more in that size but to look around because they had a lot of other shoes. I was like, "Thanks." but surprisingly I was incredibly hostile, the now continuous burning in my chest when in the presence, thinking, or talking about this shoe gave me then lit... What I really wanted to tell the douche was, "Fuck you!" I was dishearten but I still managed to drag my mother to Dillard's from Journey's and there I saw them again.<br />And here is another one of my reenactments by yours truly (note: I embellished a bit, if you don't like it, suck it)<br />Scene:<br />Mother: I don't know why you're so hell bent in searching for these ugly shoes, your don't even have enough money right not (Christmas money my godparents and my own general savings, I told you I would help you buy them but you'll have to wait until my next paycheck. You can wait a few days. If you see them here and they have your size it's only going to hurt you even more when you have to leave them here.<br />Me: I know, but I need to just see if Dillard's has them in the first place (secretly I just wanted to put them on my feet, see if the connection rang true... kind of like a kiss). <br />I should warn you this is going to get weird.<br />My mother entered the shoe area filled with many designer brands like, Uggs, Coach... that's all I can think of on the top of my head. <br />And them I saw them.<br />Here plays the song "Reunited" by Peaches & Herb:<br />Me: (Like Carrie Bradshaw in <em>Sex and the City</em>) Hello, lover!<br />Black Sperry Top-Sider: (says my name), I am so glad to see you again...<br />Me: Me, too! I thought I might not see you again (I blush shyly). I mean I hoped but apparently I wasn't the only one... (a hint of jealousy paints my voice)<br />Sperry Top-Sider: Shhh... No more words, my love, please just take me!<br />Me: Right here? Right now? I don't even have my size yet. I'm not that kind of girl that just takes a shoe from the display rack and puts it on my feet in front of everyone!<br />Sperry Top-Sider: Hurry than (it begs)! Before I'm all gone. <br />I hurry to the salesmen and ask for my size and soon I have them in my hands and hardly a second later they're on my feet.<br />I feel on cloud nine, I see fireworks, almost a rush to my head!<br />And then I choke up a bit.<br />Sperry Top-Sider: My love, what is wrong? Do you not feel right with me? We fit perfectly, don't we?<br />Me: Yes, we do. You're perfect. <em>We're</em> perfect. Together we are one... but not right now. my mother was right, I should have never came, now I have to leave you here where anybody can just take you away from here! I don't want to let you go!<br />Sperry Top-Sider: My love do not cry (it says soothingly). This might not have been the right time but we have met, you should be happy, I know I am. We will meet again. If it is meant to be we will be together one day.<br />Me: I hope so. I won't be able to rest until you are on my feet again. I promise, my love (I tell it earnestly).<br />Sperry Top-Sider: Please don't forget me, (says my name).<br />Me: Never!<br />I give them back to the shoe salesman and tearfully flee out of the store, my mother rolling her eyes as she follows behind me.<br />I wait a few days for my mother to get her next paycheck only for a monster storm that consumes the whole Midwest arrives and delays my leaving the house whatsoever. Yet when I finally do come back to Dillard's there they are again, waiting.<br />Sperry Top-Sider: Oh, my love... you have finally come back for me.<br />Me: Just like I promised! I would have been her sooner but there was this terrible snow storm-<br />Sperry Top-Sider: Yes... <br />Me: What's wrong? You're distant. <br />Sperry Top-Sider: I am so sorry, my love. (pick up the Sperry's and head for the salesman) I had no choice! Please believe me!<br />Salesman: Oooo, sorry. That's our last pair. <br />I look at the size, they're 6.5<br />Here plays "Grenade" by Bruno Mars.<br />Sperry Top-Sider: I had no choice...<br />Me: I don't blame you, my love. Those Cretans (I says murderously)! I swear to you Sperry I will not rest until I find you again in my size and you are mine! I swear it!<br />And here I am now, a week later with still no Sperry's, they're all sold out for now though Macy's should have a new shipment soon... <br />And there was my story, a story about two lovers, separated indefinitely.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-89869463591086775312010-11-10T14:31:00.000-08:002010-11-10T19:23:58.416-08:00Am I amusing to them?Either Fates hates me or Fate really enjoys seeing me squirm, jump up and down in frustration or etc. because seriously when does this ever happen to normal people? <br />Last week I got into a heated (very loud and public) argument (fight is more of the word... there was some pushing) with...<br />Boy Who Walked Away. <br />Boy Who Broke My Heart A Year And Some Months ago.<br />Boy Who Apparently Harbors Short Term Memory Loss Because He Acts Like Nothing Happen!<br />Boy Who's In Two Of My Classes But Hardly Acknowledges Me!!!<br />UNTIL NOW.<br />Or should I say then?<br />Anyway, like I was saying we got in a fight. About what you say? Get this, A BOOK. <br />Yes, I your crazy/lovable/wonderfully confused blogger got in a fight with her crush for two and a half years finally grew some balls and had a more than one syllable conversation (correction: fight) with the boy of her dreams/nightmares over. A. BOOK.<br />In the words of my idol, Jessica Darling: Susan Falludie Bullshit!<br />I mean how dumb and twisted not to mention hellishly ironic is that??? <br />A lot. To much to seem even the slightest sane for reality. Though I must admit reality has never been my strongest subject of expertise. Oh hell what do I know about reality anyways? Nothing. Zip. Zero. In fact I'm pretty sure I lost the sight of reality at the age of three. So maybe the whole scenario could have been predicted.<br />Enough of my babble. Here's what happen as I witnessed and lived through it:<br />Scene: Nine something in the morning (I'm sorry I don't look at the clock every second). My AP Lang class had begun and in walks the teacher announcing to us all to find the other people in our book group (earlier the teacher had given us a list of five books to choose from and we had to pick one to read, test over, then have a group discussion with the other people that had chose the book as well). <br />If I had been smarter and thinking with my heart I would have read the Holocaust book that caught my true attention but no. Unfortunately, I happen to be absent the day my class originally picked their book for which they had the disadvantage of choosing a book that they picked on their own terms and not of their friends (everyone couldn't talk to their friends and negotiate a mutual book they were all reading) but this is where my advantage was. My teacher had already made a list of kids who picked a book and she let me an this other girl that hadn't been there pick having seen all the names of the people that had already been placed in reading the books. So naturally, like the sneaky devil I am, to a gander at the names under each book and eventually found Boy Who Walked Away, looked at the book he chose to read and chose the same one seeing it as a ploy to talk to him. Okay, mind you this had been like what? Four weeks ago? Five? I have no idea and don't give a crap. All I can do to explain to you readers is that I was, in a way... under the influence... of love. <br />I know, gag me. <br />But I was under the influence of the idea of talking and even if that didn't happen I was at least near him in a confide circle with him. Anyway this desion had happen before I had ever came up with the resolution and getting over Boy Who Walked Away. So of course that day I was paying the price for my actions and ultimately my opinions, tendency to voice them out, and that big red fat arrow pointing down on me that says Victim on it that only Boy Who Walked Away can read!!!<br />Back to scene: My AP classmates eagerly go and find the people in our reading groups and line up the chairs in little circles having at most five people in each. In my circle, other then Boy Who Walked Away and I, are three girls, lets call them... Strawberry, Glasses, and Blue Eyes and one boy, let's call him BOB. <br />Strawberry: So guys who liked the book? She flips her Strawberry blond hair. <br />Glasses: Heh. It was alright.<br />Blue Eyes: It was kind of confusing but okay, I guess I'm just sort of indifferent. <br />Strawberry: Me, too. <br />BOB: I really liked it, actually.<br />Strawberry looks at Boy Who Walked Away who is right next to him. He's wearing a dark gray Polo, jeans, and flip-flops he wears almost everyday (so I've noticed, sue me!). He's seated in a relaxed, imposing position with his arms crisscrossed against his chest that I could imagine a king of a mighty land could pull off. Strawberry: So what about you, (insert his name here)?<br />Boy Who Walked Away: (Makes a bit of a face.) I hated it. It was completely a waste of not only my time but of everyone elses time that had to read this god for saken book!<br />I should mention my mouth had begun on the pretence of forming a disbelieving O by this point and my eyes had become involuntarily shrewd-like. I don't care who the person is if anybody bashes a book that I really took a delight in reading right in front of my like that I will not be afraid to speak my mind. Oh shall had keepith thou mouth shut and haveth become invisible. <br />Strawberry caught my look and possibly remembering how much I had told her while reading the book how I really liked it, asked me next for my opinion of the book.<br />Strawberry: Have anything to say to that, (insert my name here)? DO you want to say anything against (Boy Who Walked Away)?<br />I should have said no and maybe I would have if not for Boy Who Walked Away had looked straight at me where I was sitting right next to him (he moved his desk next to me! I did not desk stalk him!) and give me a smirk-grin that reminded me a little creepily of <em>It Started with A Kiss </em>Zhi shu when he thinks Xiang Qin is just a little dimwit with nothing to say and no guts to speak against him then Boy Who Walked Away leaned against his chair with both arms relaxing under his head and said,<br />Boy Who Walked Away: Yes, (insert my name here) what do <em>you</em> think?<br />That's when I the sheep puffed up with all the pride I had and blew it in the face of the lion He Who Walked Away. <br />Me: I really liked reading this book, actually. I said with a bit of a prissy tone. <br />Boy Who Walked Away: Really? (one eyebrow up the other down)<br />Me: Yes, really. <br />Boy Who Walked Away challenged me: Okay, why did you like it so much?<br />Me: I loved the way the words just flew out of the page... in a continuous stream.<br />Boy Who Walked Away interrupted: She complained too much.<br />Me: She was trying to get her point across... and to tell you the truth the way many of the women in Muslim societies are treated like -like property!- is a point that should not be taken light-<br />BOB: You're a feminist, aren't you?<br />Me: A little bit, I guess. Especially when I'm passionate about something in particular-<br />BOB: Yeah, you seem like it...<br />Boy Who Walked Away said to BOB: Shut up. You're not in this.<br />Everyone in the group besides myself and Boy Who Walked Away gape at him. <br />Boy Who Walked Away: One of the other things that also annoyed me: She blamed her religion for almost everything! I was like: Really?! Are you serious!? This woman is unbelievable!<br />Me: She was at a lost for most of her life! ...Religion can seriously mess up a person if pressured too much! I felt connection to her while reading this book... be-because-because I also have felt doubts of G-God and the devil-<br />Boy Who Walked Away: Her story was incredibly too long! <br />Me: But-!<br />Boy Who Walked Away: It put me to sleep and I for one hope I never have to meet her one day because surely I would have to slap some sense into her and for having me read her terrible novel!<br />Me: But-!<br />Boy Who Walked Away: And what was with that mother of hers?! Letting herself being beaten by her mom. Hell, if my mother ever did that to me-<br />Me frustrated: (insert his name here) I can't believe you!<br />We were both yelling (he, letting his overbearing, arrogant self unleash and me, just a loud speaker)and the whole class including the teacher had stopped talking amongst themselves and were now staring at me and Boy Who Walked Away fight. My teacher, in fact, was looking clearly amused and a bit fascinated. The woman probably had never seen two teenagers get into such a heated fight over a book before.<br />Finally the teacher announced that all the groups were to write together a summary of the book they read and read it to the rest of the class that didn't read it. Our group managed to do this while Boy Who Walked Away kept contradicting my opinions and making me flustered and more frustrated the more. No matter what happen between us I would always become a weak minded sort around him and he knew he was weakening my stance on the book but I refused to let him win so I kept on fighting him.<br />Once we finished the summary that was very short and did not do the book justice whatsoever Strawberry asked all of us who wanted to go up in front of the class and read it. <br />Glasses: Ugh. Not me.<br />Blue Eyes: I rather not.<br />Strawberry: Well I don't want to do it.<br />BOB: I'll do it!<br />Strawberry, Glasses, Blue Eyes: NO! <br />Strawberry: You were in detention for the past three weeks during school-<br />Glasses: I doubt you read the whole book, BOB.<br />BOB shrugs.<br />Boy Who Walked Away: Whatever, I'll do it. (Takes the paper with summary from Strawberry.<br />Strawberry: Uh, NO. Definitely not <em>you</em>. (Takes the paper back)<br />Boy Who Walked Away: What? Why not?<br />Strawberry: You've spent the whole class hour telling everyone how much you hate this book.<br />Blue Eyes: You'll probably end up forgetting about the summary and go up there and start bashing the book.<br />Boy Who Walked Away: That's ridiculous.<br />Me: I'll do it if no one is going to do it. <br />Strawberry: Okay. (She gives me the paper)<br />I start to get up but then feel a hand on my shoulder pulling me down into my chair. It's his hand.<br />Boy Who Walked Away: Oh no way! If I can't go up there <em>she</em> can't go up there! That's completely unfair!<br />Strawberry: I think it's safe to say that (insert my name here) is more reliable than you, (insert his name here).<br />Boy Who Walked Away: Biased!<br />Strawberry: No <em>your</em> biased!<br />Boy Who Walked Away: Yes, and (insert my name here) is, too!<br />BOB: I said I'll do it!<br />Boy Who Walked Away and Strawberry: NO!<br />It was right around that time that I snuck away from Boy Who Walked Away's vision and hurried to the front of the classroom to give our group's summary.<br />When Boy Who Walked Away noticed he stood up as well and then...<br />Crossed him arms against his chest like an imperial lord...<br />And then...<br />Leaned against the wall facing adjacent to where I was standing...<br />Just like he used to do in freshmen year.<br />Always, always at the beginning of class he did this and would do it throughout class if our teacher in ninth grade didn't tell him to sit. I haven't seen him do this in any of the two classes I have with him so this was the first time he did this for a while.<br />At that instant I felt like I was in ninth grade again. When these kind of scenarios weren't so rare and completely surprising. <br />I wanted so badly to walk over to him and slap him for reminding me of the old days... and then I wanted to kiss him for just the same reason.<br />Thankfully I still have some tiny grip to reality enough to not ever do <em>that!</em><br />After swallowing the hard clump is my heart I began to read under his shrewd gaze. I made a point to reading every single word and not add anything to it just in case Boy Who Walked Away noticed and tried using that for material for another fight. Once I was finished the teacher, obviously thinking about my and Boy Who Walked Away's fight earlier asked me then:<br />Teacher: So, do you have anything to add to the book. Was there anything you liked about the book, hated... what?<br />This woman wanted me killed. <br />I began repeating the reasons to her of what I told my group and mostly Boy Who Walked Away. <br />That was when Boy Who Walked Away started shaking his head at me from across the room. <br />He was just so distracting! Finally before I could finish saying all my reasons I got aggravated enough to throw up my arms and say:<br />Me: DO you have something to add to the book, (insert his name here)?<br />Boy Who Walked Away: (Grinning and smirking.) Absolutely.<br />Me: Go ahead then!<br />I made my way across the room and right next to him where my chair was but instead of sitting I chose to stand up and look at him condescendingly with my arms crossed, too. A minute passed by before I became distracting to him when I started to shake my head at his views.<br />But like always he was much smarter and clever.<br />He stopped in mid-sentence on his rant...<br />Turned his whole body to look at me...<br />And said...<br />Boy Who Walked Away: You. (He pointed at me with his finger even though I was right next to him.) You sit down. (And then pointed at my seat.)<br />Me: (Speechless with my mouth agape.)<br />Classroom: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH<br />I push him. And grudgingly sit down with no worthy comeback.<br />And now we haven't really talked since.<br />But today we got new assigned seats and somehow... in Fate's dimented mind... Boy Who Walked Away sits in back of me now!<br />Fate just doesn't want me to get over him even whenever I have such an appealing new crush now...<br />WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-46860072131656747952010-10-09T14:30:00.000-07:002010-10-09T16:50:56.461-07:00UPDATE!I got a car. <br />I got a car.<br />I got a car!<br />I GOT A FREAKEN CAR, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />Heh, who would have thought. <br />Just two weeks ago I got into a very heated argument with my father in the car, and like usual when my dad and I are alone in a confined space. I bring of the C word.<br />Car, not the other word.<br />Every time I bring of the fact that I am a teenager who is car-less my dad and I enact world war 3 with me crying hysterically and him pretty much saying my car will end up like my siblings past cars (which he paid for most of them), in the car graveyard. That's when the water works start to come because everyone who knows me and my sibling know that I am nothing like them but my dad -who in a way doesn't really know me (language barrier)- cannot believe my promises that I most likely not end up crashing my car like some senseless teenager. What i see is my dad continually stereotyping me for my age as well as my gender. When my older siblings were my age they were the definition for senseless teenager, in fact I can already see their picture with beers in their hands and possibly my douche of a brother praying to the porcelain god wearng smudged up makeup and a mini skirt.<br />I actually do have a picture that I could lend to Webster. <br />They partied at clubs when they were still underage as well as drank and considered C's on report cards as the best they could do. <br />I am nothing like that. But does my dad see that? NO. And can I accept that? NO. <br />As I have seemed to witness recently I am a strong believer in my rights as a human being, not so much of considering to be a politician because politics disgust me, but to the point that I let my injustice speak, practically sing out of me when I feel rightly wronged, especially if I am passionate about the subject. And I've been waiting for my car for almost two years, I was as passionate as anybody could get.<br />So I cry because in a way I know my father and he and I share certain aspects of our personality which is stubbornness and at the time I believed my dad would never get me a car.<br />This is where I felt I was rightly wronged, because my being the total opposite of my siblings also means that I do care about my grades and my future. I never get in trouble at school, I am a freaken homebody who reads for fun, I have never done drugs or drank alcohol and I am still a virgin. Most parents would kill to have their teenager share the same history as me. I do this mostly by choice because admittedly I do sort of put myself on a pedestal and the last person I want to disappoint is myself but I still thought at the time that I deserved a car.<br />No, wait... not just a car but my freedom. To a teenager cars are not just a piece of metal with a motor and wheels but a passport to freedom which most of the time they do abuse the freedom. Which my dad thought. He knows that all in all besides my occasional hysteria I am a good kid but he thought everything would just go down hill for me if I got behind a wheel and went crazy in the teenage sense. But that was never my plan, car does mean freedom for me, freedom from my parents, my house, my childhood. Except it does also mean I finally get to find a job which leads to having my own money so I can buy what I want and not have to ask my parents for this and that. I also won't have to inconvenience them with my errands. I also need to grow up.<br />Let's face it, I am going to collage in the very near future (year and a half) and if I am forced to go to a school out of state with no experience of the outside world I am going to fail in life. My parents have me pampered and sheltered and other kinds of verbs and frankly I need to get a reality check because I am not going to be living with them after I graduate. I harbor too many aspirations to resort ending up like my older sister who still lives with us. <br />I need to grow up!<br />I also need to be away from my mother whenever she's in one of her moods. <br />I tell my dad this concluding it all with slamming the front door with a extra hard bang when we finally get home. My dad orders me never to do that and I retort that considering how I feel and his actions concerning my mother whenever he and my mother get mad... I have every right to slam a door. <br />Finally he says, If you think having a car is going to make everything perfect than I'll get you a car!<br />Oh, right. I was sick of the argument. You'll get me a car, SOON! And went into my room. <br />I said soon because this had been the word my dad usually used when discussing the time when I would finally get a car, so I was mocking him the only way I (as nothing like a rebel child) could end the argument with a sort of satisfaction. <br />But my dad surprised me, the next week my mom called me from her work and said I should start looking for a car because they were going to buy me one.<br />I started crying again I was so happy.<br />I guess persistence <em>is</em> key. <br />My father bought me a dark jade new beetle which I named The Bubble or Kuwaii(Japanese for cute). I guess all the waiting wasn't such a waste because ever since I was a little girl I wanted a new beetle!<br />Now, homecoming. You know the game, the parade, that dance? I didn't go to my last one sophomore year but when I asked one of my best friends if she might want to go she said, "Sure, it will be fun." This was surprising for me because she was the reason why I didn't go last time because I knew I wouldn't have any fun without her and she hardly cares for dances but she said she would go and I didn't have to convince her like past dances. What was even more surprising was when my other best friend said she would go to. Her parents are pretty strict and they don't like the idea of her near guys at night but she asked (pleaded?) and they eventually gave her permission to go to the dance. It was fun for the most part. I danced like I was alone with the door closed, minus a few booty shakes because I didn't want any guys staring, and had a good time with my two best friends I was called beautiful by two of my guy friends and I surprised my ex best friend with me dance moves. <br />Though eventually I did get stabbed in the toe which left me handicapped for the rest of the night (Long story with me cursing my own heels and yelling "Shit!" on the dance floor. During the time I was sitting at one of the tables with my friends the song "You're Hot and You're Cold" by Katy Perry came on and I started singing to it because this song reminded me of my crush from my last entry (boy who walked away).<br />And now here's the evidence that the universe likes to see me suffer.<br />Right when I started to sing along to Katy Perry I see my long lived crush for the first time that whole night. <br />At least for what I could see he didn't have a date but just to get on the universe's nerves I continued to sing up and loud to Katy Perry's words until by the end of the song, he disappeared. Admittedly, I didn't care if he heard me sing along to the song (it's weird with us, he has no problem with grabing my hand in the midst of comparing to his friends these two books our reading group's book and another reading group's book. With one of his hands holding the smaller book and the other holding my hand which is holding the bigger book. When he did this I was frozen stiff, he was so close if I had turn my head and tilted my head just a few centimeters forward I could have kissed him but instead i pulled my hands away from my edition of the novel and let him hold it to compare the size of the two. I didn't want him to touch me). For all I was concerned he could have not have existed. You see, for over the past few weeks I have been focusing most of my attention on this one guy (the same guy I mentioned in one of my past posts) and pretty much I have been trying me hardest to put forth my feeling on him than on the boy who walked away. In a way I am not solving anything with shifting my feelings onto a new guy (well not so much new I've liked him foe a while) but right now... what can I do. I'm starting to talk to this guy and I think I have a chance with him if we get to know one another better. Who knows... <br />After Homecoming my friends and I all convinced my parents to find the nearest burger place so we could get something to eat because our school was too cheap to get anything to eat for the dance besides a water cooler and we were starving. All night, in the back of my mind I couldn't once stop thinking about food.<br />Hey, I only had a freaken lean pocket after I woke up that day. Could anybody really blame me?missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-67301645348101826122010-09-11T14:42:00.000-07:002010-09-11T19:40:59.910-07:00Me and My Usual CrazinessI smell like dog. <br />I've spent three hours with a bunch of dogs and puppies for this dog adoption Petsmart was having in my city. I volunteered to walk and play with the dogs for volunteer hours for a club at my school. It was fun hanging out with friends and I only managed to step on a little piece of poo the whole time there. <br />On recent update: Summer has passed which I spent for two weeks in Mexico half in the cute tourist city of Puerto Vallarta and the other half in my grandparent's small town in the country which I got to bring my best friend with me and two girl cousins of mine who are close in age also went. <br />I've spent about a month or so in school so far and here's my schedule:<br />Ceramics 1<br />AP Language and Composition <br />AP Environmental Science<br />Choir <br />Algebra 2<br />AP World History<br />That's right, count them, I'm in three AP classes. Originally I was only going to be in one which was AP Language and Composition because I assumed it would help for what I would plan on majoring in once I was in college, which it will... if it doesn't totally ruin me and my spirit for writing in the process. Yet once I was at in enrollment I became too overly cocky when I thought about how my A in U.S. history never budged and then came to the conclusion that I would transfer into AP World History than take regular World History. <em>Why the hell not?</em> I asked myself rhetorically. Later after school started I was later convinced by a few friends that I should also transfer into AP Environmental Science instead of regular Environmental Science and seeing as how i was only one of the three juniors in my class, the rest being sophomores I decided that I would indeed switch into the notoriously easy AP class that was filled with more juniors and seniors than sophomores. No offense to 10Th graders all and all. <br />And in conclusion: AP Environmental is an okay class that I have a barely there A in yet I shall admit this now that AP World, after my first quiz in the first weekend of school, swiped that smug little grin off my face and answered my mainly rhetorical question at enrollment: Why the hell not? Answer: Because life isn't all "Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows", sorry Leslie Gore. But then again it is "my party and I'll cry if I want to". But I am glad to tell you that after two F's and one D on a quiz I am finally beating the system. I got a C this last Thursday and I have no doubt that later I am going to be making A's. <br />I mean I need to be making A's this year, I have no choice. Junior year is the year colleges are going to be mainly looking at because that's the last completed year a person has finished when colleges are accepting them in senior year. Plus, after my calculations of my grades I would need to make straight A's this year and my senior year to at least have a 3.3 GPA. <br />Ha, how funny that the number 3 is my life number in numerology. <br />Ha.<br />On other news: I finally spoke to the boy that broke my heart in freshman year. Only took a year and one month to do it. I think that deserves a round of applause, I mean that's quicker than never, right? And believe me... never was a definite possibility.<br />It was yesterday at school after my sixth hour class of AP World History which I shared with him and AP Language & Composition (tell you that complicated story later) and after two weeks of avoiding each other quite awkwardly I finally, agonizingly, spoke to the boy. I was in the hall outside my classroom, he was a few people behind me, alone, with no friends hanging around to discourage me and so I chose to slow my pace to snail-like speed until he was close to my side. My heart was beating rapidly, my brain wouldn't stop rambling things like, <em>Do it! Just do it! Open your mouth and do it!!!! He can't ignore you forever and you can't ignore him forever either! Do it! For Lord's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</em>, and I also felt light headed for the most part. <br />But then I did it, I spun over to face him and said in a very high voice, my little girl voice that I usually use for adults I don't know or know that well and when I'm shy, "Hi, (insert his name here)!" With a bright smile on my face. <br />I was smiling to cover the fact that this was one of the most mortifying things I have ever done in my life so far. <br />I admit I caught the poor boy off guard and had sucky timing as well because he was on the phone then and about to make a call. "Uh, hi..." He managed to respond to me, a surprised expression on his face. <br />And then, because my damned overly politeness I harbored, not wanting to interrupt his call, I left it at that and resumed my way towards the disgusting school buses that my parents insist on making me use as transportation to getting home because sadly I still don't have my car. <br />Once I had gotten on the bus and found a seat with an underclassmen I mumbled, imagining that I was talking to him, "Was it as awkward for you as it was for me?," my imaginary crush then answered, "Yes, it certainly was." <br />I stared gloomily out the window the rest of the ride to my house. <br />Later that night I went with my friend to my school football game that they were having against my school's arch rival. For hell's sake we both wrote our school's mascot's name on our cheeks and for the first time I got into the game and screamed and clapped and danced when we made a touchdown with the rest of my high school. I don't know what got into me last night. Maybe it was the energy raging within the crowd, maybe it was the Powerade I was downing during the game (the concession had no more water and I didn't stand in a mob of sweaty people and a tall boy's butt against my stomach that was in front of me the majority of the time for Lord knows how long, for nothing) or maybe it was the two cute Chinese exchange students that I was looking at and were also looking at me that gave me that energy. All I know is that I reached a higher octave in my voice when I was yelling. A senior boy painted in our school colors in front of me on the bleachers turned around after one very high and long one and looked at me in bewilderment for a second before yelling, YEAH! and high fiving me in the process. <br />Huh, who knew being part of the crowd could be so fun?<br />After my school won and my friend and I were getting into my mom's car a group of the other school's students were yelling to no one particular that my school was stupid and that their school was still the best. I was on such a high I rolled down my window and called out to them, "U suck!" this was funny because the school involved the letter U because the school's name put much definition in the first letter of their school name. They had a giant U on their football field, too. <br />That was really weird for me to do, what was evev weirder, though, was that my mom called out similar things, too, to them. <br />Well, that's a story to tell my future kids if I ever have any.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-90288246802630440882010-04-06T21:29:00.000-07:002010-04-07T20:24:23.305-07:00The EOI's are coming! The EOI's are coming!Ah, the EOI's. For those of you that don't know what they are let me bear the pleasure on informing you. The EOI's are a series of tests that my school takes over several courses that starting in my year everyone has to pass in order to graduate and be able to harbor a parking space in senior year.<br />So you can imagine the many freakouts in my school over these tests. <br />The EOI's are generally easy to say the least on the subject yet just the shear possibility that anyone could fail it if ill prepared scares the bejesus out my upper middle-middle class school. I personally can admit to contributing on this said "freakout". So in order to have high test scores and not have their students go through a meltdown my school holds classes after school in order to review for these notorious examines. <br />And of course because I'm just a natural goody goody that actually gives a crap about her being able to graduate (and being able to have a car space senior year) I attend these Review sessions. I usually pass these state examines but because I have a horrible teacher in Geometry I am forced to work extra hard in the Review class, especially considering the fact that even though for some the class is meant for as a review of what we have supposed to have already learned... it actually my first time really working on the material. <br />So you can imagine my intense (and very reasonable) fear of bombing my Geometry EOI and having to take it again next year!<br />But do you know the real actual reason why I thought my thoughts in this said subject were so vital I just needed to blog it?<br />It's the people that were in the classroom that the Review sessions were being held.<br />First let me tell you my school harbors a very vast large amount of students and there are a lot of people taking Geometry but only like close to 20 people attend each class. I only saw one guy from my own Geometry class attend which was kind of surprising because I had no idea this guy gave a crap about his grades but he is an athlete and I guess he just doesn't want to retake the test again next year.<br />And the Teacher that reviews the material with us is just superb, when I didn't know how to plug in a problem for a trigonometry question and she personally when through it step by step and made sure I understood completely I just about got on my knees and kissed her feet and cried, "Where have you been all my life?!?! I think I love you!!!"<br />I didn't, of course. Mainly because I don't want the woman to get a restraining order on me because (God, bless the woman!) she also teaches Algebra 2 and I am so going to request for her in junior year. I'm just a bit sad that I didn't have the luck to get her for a Geometry teacher sophomore year as well... <br />But still I know for a fact that there will be many people from my class that will not pass the EOI and are probably not going to get there senior parking spot. <br />I just think that it's just really sad to think that there are many teenagers that don't care and only think of the now and here instead of the future.<br />I guess that's just one of the many of things that separate myself from the average kids in my school.<br />Because I know that my future is bright and no matter what happens I will always contain the perseverance to not give up and keep charging on to my ultimate dream: of becoming a famous author and seeing the world. <br />I know I sound retarded but it's true and I just felt like letting it out.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-37471856220089314862010-03-31T19:34:00.000-07:002010-03-31T20:21:01.947-07:00Freaking Out!!!I'm at a serious lost right now. I am slowly and steadily freaking out with my grades right now. I have 7 more weeks of school and my grades are like this:<br />Pre-AP English: C+<br />Spanish: B<br />Stagecraft: A<br />U.S. History: A<br />Geometry: C<br />Astronomy: B<br />I <em>had</em> an A in Pre- AP English Lit. now because I got a C on my last persuasive essay... a C on a discussion group... and a C on a vocab quiz. I have a 79 in the class. I AM PISSED OFF. I <em>need</em> an A in that class. I mean I'm planning on majoring in some type of Literature and I'm going to be in AP Lang. in junior year which is incredibly hard. <br />All I can say is I'm in deep shit. <br />Not to mention there is no way in hell that i will be able to raise that C in Geometry because the teacher is just plain a horrible teacher. <br />As for Astronomy I think I can raise it to an A by the end of the semester and as well as Spanish if I really knuckle down. <br />I know for a fact my A in History and Stagecraft won't be going anywhere. Yet my goal for the end of this second semester was to have all As. I can't help but feel a bit discouraged by how much my grades are suffering. At least to my standards.<br />I really want to get into a great liberal arts college and my greatest fear right now is to look stupid in front of everyone and not go to college. I want it, I can almost taste it... but will I only ever imagine going to college? I'm a struggler through life, always have been. In weight, in social interacting with my peers, and academically. When I was younger I was a bright kid, a smart one. But in middle school I sort of let more then my personal life fall but also my grades. I just didn't care and now I'm suffering the consequences because I let my brain go into mush back in the day. My best friends are almost straight A students. One of my best friends has only one B and the rest are straight A's and my other best friend has two B's and the rest are of course straight A's. It seems like I'm always trying to catch up to them but then get even more behind once I think I seem even a little closer on their level. They both tell me I'm doing great and applying myself but still I'm freaking out. I wish every class was like History. I mean all you need to do to achieve an A is read the text book, which I do and I haven't had anything lower then an A all year. Yet Pre-AP English doesn't have a text book and you can't really read a Geometry text book (doesn't matter we have only opened a text book in that class twice!). <br />It sucks and I'm trying, right now all I can do is hope my best is good enough to at least bring that C in Geometry and Pre-AP English to a B. <br />Did I mention I have terrible luck?missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-44321303688212843172010-03-17T13:02:00.000-07:002010-03-17T13:47:00.729-07:00Self WorthI just finished reading The Indigo Notebook and it was very inspiring. Not to be such a bookworm (let's face it i am) but I can't help but just feel overjoyed when I read a book that really makes you think about your life and your choices you make. I've come across a few, like the book Wicked Lovely which got me appreciating tattoos and completely changing my idea on them. Wicked Lovely ultimately got me wanting to have a tattoo one day. It was then after I read A Great and Terrible Beauty that I realized I wanted to become an author, that was a definite life changer. Now the Indigo Notebook has got me thinking about helping others in different countries who are less fortunate then the U.S. I've decided that in the future I want to volunteer in the Peace Corps. I mean it makes sense, right? I always have loved to volunteer for things in school and helping out when I can. It gave a good feeling helping others. There was this time recently when I decided to help my best friend volunteer at this Chinese New Year's Celebration and I helped out with blowing up balloons and painting little kids faces. I enjoyed every second even when my hands started cramping up from painting so many faces but I didn't let it bother me. The whole day was fun and I could just feel my spirit feed off this good deed and feel better about myself. <br />All my life I have been sheltered and cared for by almost everyone... I mean my parents are in a good place financially in their lives with a good home and food always in the fridge. My older siblings are now in their 20s and don't need my parents anymore which sort of makes me the only child now which means I get an even better life then they did because my parents only have me to think about. I go to a pretty good school in the dreadful suburbs and I'm pretty smart. In a way I am fortunate but I still take it for granted. Something tells me that by joining the Peace Corps will help me grow up and live and survive independently and help people. I decided I want to do that after graduation. I don't know exactly when but sometime in the near future. It will definitely surprise my family and friends but I hope it will help them see me in a different way and find some sort of respect for me afterwards and not just see me as "a spoiled, useless, inconsiderate brat" like know they do.<br />Most people think I'm a snob or Gothic (even though I don't only wear black) or just a bitch but I'm glad to say they're people who see a pretty good kind hearted person who just wants to feel some self worth in her life. <br />Crap, am I rambling???<br />Whatever, I just wanted to let out what I thought...<br />I mean isn't that what a blog is for?<br />List of What I Want to Do Before I Die:<br />1. Publish a novel<br />2. Graduate High School with at least a 3.5 GPA <br />3. Go to a great Liberal Arts School OUT OF STATE<br />3. See the world<br />4. Join the Peace Corps<br />5. Find Happiness and Self Worthmissunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-27746003477431947872010-01-29T23:41:00.000-08:002010-02-06T18:24:14.688-08:00ResolutionsLife's never been on my side to say the least but this past month have been pretty good. I've done everything I can to stay true to my resolutions: <br />My school work: All my classes have been fine and good yet sadly I do have a C in Spanish which considering that I am Mexican is sort of embarrassing (not my fault I am too much drooling on my desk to listen (note: I don't really do that!) to notice what she's saying most of the time but no worries it's a high C so I can easily bring it up if I start getting some sleep during the night. Oh, and I almost forgot. Guess who got an A on her last test last week in Geometry??? ME! Thank the Lord He heard my prayers for the first time in 17 freaken years!<br />My weight: Well, i don't have a scale or anything but my legs do look better in my skinny jeans (at least that's what my mother keeps mentioning) which isn't so surprising since i was on the treadmill all freaken month. This week alone have I not been on the tred on account of last Sunday. My friend and I were at my house spending the day together to work on our project. When dinner time came my mother walks into the den and asks if we want pizza (i guess she felt being generous because my friend was there and I had been on the tred consistently every night for the past month). We said sure and so she gets us two large cheese and veggie pizzas and I practically eat about 75% of the veggie pizza (I know WTF??? But I hadn't had pizza in the longest of times). Anyway, I completely went over board so after an hour more spent on our wretched Lit. project about The Grapes of Wrath... I run on that tredmill like a rocket! I actually am so into the whole thing I go over my 30 minutes and do almost a whole hour (NON-FREAKEN-STOP!!!) while my best friend just watches me go with popped out eyes and gaping. I'm practically a waterfall by the time I finally get off and I actually fall to the ground and rasping water to my friend and so she runs off to get me some. Once she hands it to my I chug it down like freaken dear life and then I have the audacity to ask more and being a helpful friend she gets me more and then I chug it down again at an even faster speed while my friend begins to warn me to slow down... But do I listen? Nope. <br />And boy should I.<br />I assume most of you are have already predicted where this is all going to lead... huh? Well, I obviously didn't.<br />By the time I get halfway finished I suddenly feel a... sort of clomp in my chest. Like a brick almost, stuck in my bloody rib cage! It almost hurts. It does make me begin to panic (and my friend too when she notices my scared expression) to the point that i have to lay back down again and start to feel the water actually gurgling in my throat! <br />And then I get that bittersweet taste in my mouth...<br />And I'm like "OH, SHIT!!!" and i run towards the bathroom and to the toilet just in time to barf water and veggie pizza.<br />Of course my mother sees all of this to the point that I have to yell "Go away!" and kick the door shut in her face which she only opens it a sec later to watch some more, the weirdo. Later in the car when dropping my friend off to her house she tells me she only "forced" herself to watch me because she wanted to make sure I didn't faint.<br />"Last thing I want is for your head to fall in the toilet and literally drown in your own barf!" She tells me shrilly. <br />I just accused her of enjoying the view because she use to be bulimic when I was in elementary until something happen to her jaw which unable her to open her mouth really, really wide. I said to her "Just admit it, mother. You liked watching me barf my guts out. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if while you watched me you had the sudden urge to throw on a cheer uniform and pom poms and start yelling "That's my girl! Like mother like daughter!" To this she actually laughed and called me crazy.<br />Well... like mother like daughter.<br />Looking back the whole situation was quite funny if I do say so myself. I mean I did (not intentionally like my older sister claims to differ!) put myself into the situation.<br />And last but not least... boys: This, sadly yet not surprisingly, I have only increased. You know the boy that walked away? Yeah, I'm still thinking about him and it's been about 8 months since I've spoken to him. Pathetic? I know you don't have to tell me. And what's worse is that my stupid school is having their first Sadie Hawkins Dance! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!<br />Oh, bejesus. Too bad there's only one boy I want and I already know what his answer would be. I'm surprised every time I see him he doesn't run away screaming.<br />I hate love and love hates me.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-50056054000873061172009-12-31T18:50:00.000-08:002009-12-31T19:20:10.488-08:00You Got to Love New YearsLike the year before last, this year went by faster then i could keep track of. It's funny how I can look back at all my memories from this year and just shake my head and roll my eyes. Every year i make resolutions to keep my head straight and do better in school, lose weight, and not fall head over heels for a guy only to land on my butt later on. Yet I never do. Except this year I managed to try to do better then I usually do. By the end of the year I did manage to do better in school, having most of my grades this semester with B's, lose <em>some</em> weight, and well... the boy is still a work in progress. Hey, don't forget I am a confused and agitated (very overly opiniatated to the point I may seem insane!) teenage girl who has way too much time on her hands. So of course the whole boy issue will always be a problem. <br />Crap, I'm rambling.<br />Anyway, like every year I will set my resolutions, the same resolutions I have set every year since... 5th grade. Lose weight, do better in school, and try to look after my heart better in the near future. The last one will be much easier if I try staying away from smart, arrogant, intelligent types who enjoy track and teasing sarcastic, slightly insane latina's like myself.<br />Great! That will be cake!<br />Whatever, I got to go and wait for the ball to drop in NYC on tv (hopefully one day I will be able to see it in real life when I'm older!). Happy New Year...missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-65608963044272437762009-12-18T12:16:00.000-08:002009-12-18T13:22:29.090-08:00Winter BreakYesterday was finals and guess who got the second best score on her final in their AP Lit. class??? Me. Surprisingly. I know what you're thinking... second best isn't such a big deal. but it is if it means, besides one other girl that got only 2 questions right then I did, that I did better then everyone else in my class. I mean it's AP Lit. meaning the whole class is filled with brains who see B's as D's and C's as F's. I got a better score then those perfect girls with the bows in their hair who are in show choir and cheer of pom and with perfect hair. I did better then them... Well, you could just imagine my face when my teacher told me I got the second best score in the class. I looked like I was just proposed to by the very hot Korean boy band SS501. It was surreal as I walked off in a daze and began to suppress the strange urge to break dance (which would be weird on account of I don't know how to so it would probably turn out looking more like I was having a seizure). <br />I won't be able to find out my grades until I get them in the mail later in the break I'm assuming but I do know I might end up taking Saturday school to make up the D I know I'll end up getting in Geometry... If I knew I could get away with it (and if I had no conscience because I know I would end up feeling bad eventually) I would shoot almost everyone in my class because if it wasn't for their crap I had to suffer every week day then I would have gotten at least a freaken C in the class. Bejesus! They all just couldn't shut the fuck up for one minute for me to concentrate and there were many times where I almost ended up picking a fight with them. I mean just because they are all content to spend their lives as future McDonald employees doesn't mean they have to drag me down with them.<br />Last year I had to go to summer school because of a horrible teacher now I probably end up doing it again because of a horrible class.<br />Well now on to better news. I will be finally taking my permit test this Tuesday. Thank the lord! i also received my grades for driver's ed and in the class course I ended up with an A and a B+ on my driving (apparently I was too fast for my driving instructor but I never lost control but I will never tell my parents this little detail because the last thing my parents need to hear is that I like driving fast).<br />Well that's it for today I'm gonna go try to get past my writer's block and resume writing my novel.wish me luck!missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-25042157533139967762009-12-14T14:19:00.000-08:002009-12-14T15:56:36.311-08:00Type BGood news!!! Last Saturday was my last driver's ed drive! I spent two hours driving on the high way and I didn't crash! Ya Me! lol<br />Bad news I still don't have my permit. Apparently my mother wants to wait until she gets the title of her new car so she can go to the DVM to get her licence plate at the same time I go get my permit. <br />Whatever! Eventually the woman will have to go to the freaken DVM during winter break (I hope to GOD!) <br />Anyway, school has been... well school. Same faces everyday with not so much exciting details to mention except one of my best friends and I (while being bored and hell) came up with two categories to place everyone in the world. Type A and Type B. Now which one do you think you are? <br />Type A is almost everyone in the world. It's pretty much a sheep. A random face in the crowd. Someone not at all different. Mentally. Type B is someone genuinely different. No. not the people who dress up in weird cloths or all in black or cuts themselves or whatnot. No... those people are definitely Type A's big time. Actually they're the worse kind! The Type A's that desire to be Type B's. Type B's do not try to be different (actually some even try not to be) they just are. They can look like anybody, act like anybody, you see it's all in the mind. Mentally they think differently then everybody else they know. They are the spots of colors here and there in a boring gray crowd of people. You see? They don't mean to be different they just... are. ^_^<br />I'm a definite Type B and so are my two best friends. We've been best friends for a while now and we haven't ever really fought or distrusted one another. It's great and I am thankful for their friendship. <br />Now on to some important business to take care of...<br />Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! Yes, yours truly is turning 17 on Tuesday! Bejesus the year went by fast! You know i don't feel all that different... actually sometimes I feel still 12 years old and yet other times I catch myself becoming a 50 year old surrounded by a bunch of 5 year olds (even my parents make me feel that way at times) I guess it's just complicated or it's just these teenage hormones! To believe in just one more year... I'll be 18 years old. Ha! I'll be freaken 18 year old with a 12 to 50 year old mind. Funny... and sad at the same time. Tomorrow one of my best friends and I will ride the bus to my house, we'll hang out, then when every one's ready my parents will pick up my other best bff and my bff's little sister (she's only 14 but she's sweet, she reminds me of the lil sister I sometimes wished i had) and we're all heading to The cheesecake factory. it's going to be great, I'm not that much of a party girl, all i need if my family and a few of my close friends with me to have a happy 17Th birthday... I know I am such a dork. Or maybe I'm just a true Type B...<br />Crap I got to go I need to go back to school in a bit for a stagecraft performance anyway talk to you later!missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-17273961297302431832009-11-06T15:21:00.000-08:002009-11-06T16:36:11.870-08:00Things REALLY Do Happen For A ReasonFirst things first, my father finally saw the light (or got sick and tired of my whining) and gave me an ultimatum... go to driver's ed and you can get your permit. When this happen I admit it was sort of bittersweet in a way because in the end I got what I wanted but now I have to go to my school's driver's ed class three times a week for two freaken hours until December. Well thanks dad!<br /><br />HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA!<br /><br />Well I can tell you this that is quite surprising. It's a freaken blessing in disguise. Turns out driver's ed isn't so bad on the account of these reasons:<br />1. I'll be able to drive every Saturday... though the bad thing is I'll have to wake up at 8 am but that's not important much.<br />2. I don't have to ride the bus after school <br />3. There is a really cute guy in my driver's ed.<br /><br />^-^<br /><br />But that's not even the greatest surprise... the real surprise is that when a person turns seventeen and they get their permit they only need to wait 30 DAYS to get their licence! <br /><br />30 FREAKEN DAYS!!!!!<br /><br />there is only one thing to say to this:<br /><br />AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />HOLY FREAKEN CRAP! When the teacher told me this I just about wet myself! (well not literally the cute boy was in the room!) But anyway I was totally thrilled I did have to contain myself until class was over, I got home, and was in my room blaring Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield and dancing in front of my mirror with a brush to my hand looking like freaken Hilary duff in the Lizzie mcguire movie. (do not ask me why I know that, you should already know I'm a freak and I adore the movie) <br /><br />I guess it all did work out in the end because now when I turn 17 in December I can go to the DVM and get my permit and in January I'll be able to get my licence. so yay me! <br /><br />Now all I need is a car.... bejesus, I hope my dad isn't going to sell my sister's old Honda (the man is sure thinking about it).<br /><br />Now let's talk about weight. I still weigh the same last time I checked but I haven't been working out for a wile now, well at least not consistently. And let me tell you my mother is not happy about this fact and she likes it to be known to me every single day. The woman is sooooo annoying it is not even funny. <br /><br />It's just school, though. I never have time to work out and when I do I'm just so tired. But the night after last after looking at my grades (they were pretty good by the way) I decided to focus less on school right now and start getting back in shape. <br /><br />I came up with a simple plan that I hope to sweet jesus it will work.<br />I lose five pounds every month. <br /><br />Pretty simple I just hope I can do it.<br /><br />And if my plan does beat the odds and work then by May I will be my ideal goal weight.<br /><br />On to sadder news, though. My cousin, Eddie. It was just last year that he died and last Sunday was his memorial. I saw his parents at the church and like usual my heart ached for the family. Eddie's mother and little sis are going to therapy now and his father is just so sweet and kind, a good hearted man who is trying to be strong for everyone and it was just a lot to take in. Let me point out that i am not a religious person, I like to refer to myself as agnostic so you can imagine my being uncomfortable being in a church. My family are non-practicing catholics and so I had to attend a mass that day and guess what I was feeling? <br /><br />Sheer and utter boredom. You see I get really bored, really fast and attending a mass not to mention that said mass being all in freaken Spanish, so I couldn't even understand a word and it just about put me to sleep (or gave my the itch to reach for ipod in my coat pocket). So there i was, listing to this two hour speech in Spanish by a priest who liked to tell his audience to kneel, stand up, sing, pray and give money to the church. Plus he really liked to hear himself talk I'm guessing. <br /><br />But finally we got to the stuff that I was really there for. Everyone went outside (wearing Eddie T-shits) and holding white balloons they all set them free like at his funeral. It was so sad and I hugged his mom and dad and ended up crying like a baby as I watched the balloons fly away. While I witness the scene and felt the sadness wash over me like some tidal wave I had the sudden thought of something.<br /><br />If things were reverse, like if I had died instead and not Eddie... would have Eddie have felt sad for me. Would he feel as i feel? Lord, I don't know. I mean I don't even know why I feel this way for him. In a way I might though, I feel sad that he was so young and talented but his life ended so soon. But I also feel bad for the parents because they lost their only son to something so trivial and having the outcome of it being that the court just let his murderer go...<br /><br />I mean they didn't even DEPORT the dude! What the hell is up with that???<br /><br />And the thing that makes me just go up and tears is that... sometimes I feel that i should have died instead of Eddie. I mean he had the great family, he was popular, and athletic... and I'm well, me.<br /><br />I never really told anyone this but when I was at the hospital last year the day Eddie was killed and was on life support... When I was in his hospital room I imagined something. After I gave his parents a hug and was watching him lying in bed like he was asleep, with tears in my eyes... I imagined asking god to bring Eddie back and that he could take me instead. And then I pictured Him hearing my prayer and taking my soul instead of Eddie's. I saw myself in the hospital room with everyone and just suddenly falling to the ground, dead, while Eddie woke up.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-13907510550170634972009-09-19T20:57:00.000-07:002009-09-19T21:31:38.917-07:00Mr. and Mrs. Arrogant<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_XaddDJ5syLo4gBFPmEerEEIQVVBFKBI7itU-0J0eCdELmGt_3rDgGSgO2ksVF7VOxdu2xTH_B_qK2TuDwVM2FYLU6y_0cAzB7bGNlU0juDSAxyrIO_yb5KqBVmr6kCjh-sYWZHEnCFk/s1600-h/0gotico1-1%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_XaddDJ5syLo4gBFPmEerEEIQVVBFKBI7itU-0J0eCdELmGt_3rDgGSgO2ksVF7VOxdu2xTH_B_qK2TuDwVM2FYLU6y_0cAzB7bGNlU0juDSAxyrIO_yb5KqBVmr6kCjh-sYWZHEnCFk/s320/0gotico1-1%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383402593525661698" /></a><br />I'm going to be seventeen in December, now what do you think an almost seventeen year old would be doing at this time in her life? Hmm? Driving? Getting her first car? Having an after-school job and saving up for college? <br /><br />Living a typical teenage life?<br /><br />Well, guess what I'm not.<br /><br />I don't even have my freaken driver's permit!!!<br /><br />I probably won't until I'm freaken twenty!<br /><br />And i am completely serious.<br /><br />Dead. Serious.<br /><br />You know, parents are the most arrogant son of a bitches ever. I mean do any of them ever freaken listen to their kids? Because I don't know if they get that even though we're young and they've been here longer doesn't mean we're all not all human beings. Real people who can think and not always just fucking rebellious brats that don't have minds. and you can quote me.<br /><br />This is how my parents think of me. And i have my older siblings to thank for that. It's because they turned their lives into utter crap is because I can't live mine! Since my sister got her driver's licence she's been in like four car crashes. Now my parents think that if I get a car then I will go all crazy and crash things and cause havoc! <br /><br />Do i seem like that sort of person? Hell freaken no! I said in my third post of this blog that I have no temptation what's so ever to get into trouble. Hell! I've even drove before with my sister and her boyfriend and I drove like a grandma! <br /><br />It's like they don't even know me. I am so different from my siblings that I'm sometimes think I was adopted. I actually did when I was about the age of five. Today, when my father drew me to tears of frustration and anger, my friend had to comfort me as I was staying at her house. <br /><br />There are so many reasons I NEED a car.<br /><br />1. This bitchy black girl hates me and causes my whole bus to be extremely frightened of her. <br />2. I do not like freshman.<br />3. Everyone in my grade is getting a car or their licence already!<br />4. I am in serious need of a job.<br />5. If I have a job I save up for college.<br />6. I need a car so I won't be constantly near my parents because they are tearing me up inside (read past blogs to understand this).<br />7. I. AM. ALMOST. SEVENTEEN! <br /><br />SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />Get the freaken picture?<br /><br />Because my parents don't seem to.<br /><br />They even told my friend (the phone was on speaker and I was refusing to talk to her so she did on my behalf) that they weren't ready to let me go. Well FUCKING TOUGH!<br /><br />One question for my oh so suffocating parents: Do you really want to be around me so much when I FUCKING HATE YOUR FUCKING BLOODY GUTS! <br /><br />Because believe me I'm getting there.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-35464947354325862682009-09-16T13:51:00.000-07:002009-09-16T15:00:19.250-07:00Poetry for the PoetI started this blog on account of I wanted to bring out the injustice that a distant cousin's parents had when my cousin was murdered. How they just let the guy who killed him go free. It got me so angry that i just wanted to scream it to the whole world. Yet later I came back to my blog and started talking about my life and how ridicules it really is and i also wanted to show people my poetry. Well, after looking over my posts I realized i haven't posted much of my poetry here so I've decided to get to it now. Hope you like it.<br /><br />(Some other poems about the boy that walked away...)<br /><br />Not Enough<br /><br /><br />As I stand there<br />My lips tremble<br />My eyes show fear<br /><br />The clock is ticking<br />And time starts to disappear <br /><br />I’m dangling by a thread<br />My grasp is slipping<br />My arm grows numb<br />My fingers<br />They are bleeding<br />Scarlett covers my eyes<br />My tears can’t seem to wash them away<br /><br />The clock is ticking<br />And time starts to disappear <br /><br />My voice is no more<br />Mute<br />Just like my heart <br />It stops beating<br />And now I am falling<br />And now I am falling<br />Into a well<br />I am screaming<br />Running towards hell<br />My body burns<br />With the hurt of despair<br />It crashes!<br /><br />Wait!<br /><br />Sorry, I got to go. Have a great summer!<br /><br />Wait…<br /><br />The clock continues to tick<br />And like time… I wish I could disappear<br /><br />(I came up with this when it was raining and i was heading for my second period, it was the third day of school and I finally saw <em>him</em>. By the time I got out of the rain I was drenched but I didn't care, all i was focus on doing at the time was trying to keep the poem in my head until i could get a pen and paper to write it down. The poem came to me like wind blowing in my hair as I watched <em>him</em>)<br /><br />Rain<br /><br /><br />Standing in the rain<br />Watching you walk away<br />Rain drops mixed with tears, dribbling down my face<br />Peaceful sadness fills the air.<br /><br />(I wrote this poem on account of I only see <em>him</em> for like a minute a day)<br /><br />Seconds<br /><br /><br />I breathe in your scent<br />Relishing the moments we have<br />My grasp, desperate and famished<br />I never want to part<br /><br />I can’t get enough of you<br />You suffocate me with your presence <br />Strangle me with your intelligence <br />And burn me with the devotion I harbor for you<br />I am yours<br /><br />Yet do you fathom this?<br />Catch the truth behind my eyes<br />And see behind the disguise?<br />That my feelings grow deeper<br />Then infatuation or lust<br />Friendship and trust<br />It could only be love, though, one sided<br /><br />Except your feelings, will only ever be platonic<br />For the likes of me<br />But a gal can dream<br />Yes, she may even scheme<br />Only to catch glimpse of him…<br /><br />Every day, for just a few seconds<br /><br /><br />(I wrote this last one after watching Knowing) <br /><br /><br />Apocalypse <br /><br /><br />Fire roaring with laughter<br /><br />It consumes us all; Like a deadly sin<br /><br />The laughter will never stop<br /><br />It has no mercy<br /><br />No pity; None at allmissunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-58131895895415891872009-09-11T17:40:00.000-07:002009-09-16T13:51:30.456-07:00Two of A KindI remember the first time I heard about Sylvia Plath. I was online, taking a quiz (I heart quizzes!) called what famous poet do you identify with or something like that. Turns out I identify a lot with Sylvia Plath. <br /><br />From there I decided to do a research project for English Lit. on her later on. When I did I began to accomulate very interesting info about her. I even saw the movie. By the end of my project (which I got and A freaken plus!) I came to three conclusions. 1. Sylvia had real talent that was unique and inspiring. 2. Sylvia had obvious problems that nobody really wanted to admit that. And 3. Her Husband Ted Hughes, is a bastard.<br /><br />Syl's husband and poet, Ted was like my first love. Completely unhealthy, uber traumatic, and totally crazy. It was a diaster waiting to happen.<br /><br />But I admit it wasn't until I started reading Your Own, Sylvia (a biograghy about Syl, written in poetry. Neat, huh?) Well, it wasn't until I read the book that I found simularities between Syl and I. Besides our love of poetry, she also had a sort of need for the oppisote sex. The girl went from one boy to the next, boy-crazy like me. Sylvia was also afraid of the aspect of marriage. She didn't want to settle down, she wanted to write and travel, accomplish her dreams, set out into her future. That's what Sylvia wanted, just like me.<br /><br />I'm also gradually losing myself, my grasp to sanity slipping as I begin to get older. I can feel it inside me the change of emotions. The strength of them lashing through my body. The cold violence of it all scares the living daylights out of me but what can I do? How can I tell anyone that I'm starting to break down after all these years of being the strong one in my family. How?<br /><br />The fighting and resentment, the treatening and cursing. There all tearing down my mental walls of stability. Making me crumble with tears and scream with anger, lash out like my mother, after every arguement I get into with my mum or my mum and dad fighting.<br /><br />I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was, Just like Sylvia.<br /><br />At times I plead insanity<br />Feeling like I’m going to crack<br />Like I’m going to off myself; Like Sylvia Plath<br />Will He bring mercy on me?missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-56747636626678144372009-09-03T20:07:00.000-07:002009-09-11T22:11:44.734-07:00Voices...Last week... I started hearing voices in my head.<br /><br />I know you're thinking... the girl lost it.<br /><br />Uh no. Well, at least I hope not. <br /><br />From what I've researched so far (I Googled it) I'm suffering from a sleep condition called "Sleep Paralysis".<br /><br />Definition: Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false".In addition, the paralysis state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations (hypnopompic or hypnagogic) and an acute sense of danger. Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual due to the vividness of such hallucinations. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision.<br /><br />Basically, I'm being attacked by imaginary creatures while I'm completely conscious but my body happens to be asleep. Causing me to be literally trapped by my own body because it's paralyzed.<br /><br />It happen just last week on Sunday night (or should i say Monday morning, it was around 12) and hour later I was suddenly forced out of my dream and awakened. But my here's the thing, my body didn't wake with me. And here's the WORST thing, there was a voice, some creature-like voice saying, "Listen to me, listen to me." He'd call my name and repeat "listen to me!" I was completely freaked but finally after struggling for who knows how long my body was just released and i could move again and open my eyes. I was scared and out of it. I cried and slept with my Teddy that night. Scared shitless. <br /><br />When I told my friend she was freaked too but advised me to next time listen to the creature, to hear what it had to say. So, stupidly, i did. That night it happen again and this time i listened, I tried not to struggle but as soon as the creature had my attention... it started talking about God and the Devil and a war. And the creature sounded like it was on the Devil's side. Instantly, i thought i was being possessed. My family's catholic so yeah. I'm not though, actually I'm an agnostic. Someone who pretty much believes there is something out there like a higher being but doesn't know exactly what that is. Anyway,after what happen to me i immediately went on my computer and started Googling what happen to me. Eventually i found out about Sleep Paralysis.<br /><br />Since last week that thing has been visiting every other day or so ( fucking up my sleep routine and scaring me shitless) but last night it was different. I awoke with something on me. I saw it. That creature, I saw the thing but my eyes, I knew they were closed. It was terrible looking and it was sitting on top of me and strangling me. I swear i could feel the thing on me, it's voice repeating the first night's mantra: "Listen to me! Listen to me!" I thought i was going to die but i eventually broke free (practically jumping off my bed in the process) i then quickly turned on the light and ran to my bedroom mirror, only to find what i expected: Redness all over the area on my collar bone.<br /><br />You see when i broke free i noticed a warmness on my chest. This warmness is a usual thing for me on account of i harbor this skin condition called Dermatographia. When you're skin is hyper sensitive and you blotch up when place pressure on it.<br /><br />Okay I'm not thinking that the creature was actually there, I'm thinking that i was unconsciously choking myself.<br /><br />Which is scarier when you think about it.<br /><br />Today at school when i told my friends, they of course got freaked and a guy friend of mine actually was trying to comfort me because i was still sort of freaked as well.<br /><br />Anyway, that's what happened last night... i wonder what will happen tonight... <br /><br />Are you freaked out yet?<br /><br />How the <em>hell</em> do you think i feel?!<br /><br />Whatever, my mum is giving me sleeping pills in hopes i will be too knocked out to wake up before my body does.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-44853557950224153852009-08-14T13:55:00.000-07:002009-08-14T15:06:42.743-07:00Surprise - Surprise... Not!I just finished my second day of school. Which wasn't so bad as my first one. I would have blogged yesterday about my first day of school and i was planning on doing that but as soon as i got home I was in my bed and asleep. I was completely knocked out (reason being because i didn't sleep a wink the previous night) i even slept through my alarm that i had set for an hour later before i took my nap.<br /><br />Anyway, yeah my first day of school was a series of surprises. And here's the thing" i never like surprises unless it's my birthday. I was just beginning to enjoy myself until 3rd hour Stagecraft (you know for the people who work backstage during plays). For once i wanted to experience how it felt being behind the stage then on it, like i've always have since 1st grade, either for choir or a play. <br /><br />Well i guess the old saying is true. Curiosity did kill the cat! Or for me curiosity kicked my ass! <br /><br />So there i was in the auditorium, sitting in my usual lonesome, with a book in hand and ignoring everyone as much as i can and then... i hear a familiar voice...<br /><br />RODENT. <br /><br />I just up and died right then and i would have stayed dead but as cruel and unusual punishment the great beyond sent me back before anybody could notice. When Rodent saw me he was surprised, too but not for the same reason. Apparently i didn't get the memo that not alot of girls did stagecraft. I was the only girl. With around twelve guys. Yet to my utter delight today another girl showed up. That whole first day i didn't talk to Rodent and i ignored him. Well except for once when our teacher was showing us the "ropes" backstage and Rodent held the door for me. I was the last to leave and when i saw him holding the door for me i hesitated. I didn't want to let him do something nice for me. He's been a complete ass to me and i refused him but Rodent became stubborn and kept holding the door for me. Finally, i just walked through.<br /><br />WHen i told my friend this she was like "So what? Did you want him to just like shut the door in your face?" And i fumed and told her "YES!"<br /><br />And then today when our teacher continued to show us around and we went upstairs we had to go up a freaken tall spiral staircase and when we finally reached the third floor we had to go up a ladder to the 4th floor! And just to let you know i am deathly afraid of heights and i admit when i had to go back down the ladder...<br /><br />I freaked out.<br /><br />Completely.<br /><br />But i made it (after the teacher coached me down) but by the time I got to the second floor i had to stop a sec to pull myself together. When i did though, Rodent stopped on the stairs to ask how i was. And he looked worried. He was like why did you freak out? and i was like that's none of your business! Just go and leave me alone! He didn't move though so i said, Go! Or i'll push you down the stairs! (note: i wouldn't, i'm a complete bluffer but nobody knows this because I can be very convincing)<br /><br />He left and i was confused afterwards on account of his concern and willingness to talk to me. I thought he hated me too but apparently the feeling isn't really mutual. So i've decided that on Monday i'm going to ask Rodent if he knows about what his sister said to me last year. If he doesn't, i guess i can't blame him all that much and hate him. But if he does... i'm gonna ask why.<br /><br />After that big slap in the face i got another when i entered my 5th hour and locked eyes with my ex-bff. The one i had when i was a shallow, popular snob. Like her. <br /><br />During the summer after 7th grade, when my world was crumbling and i was in my darkest period my ex-bff traded me in for one of my ex boyfriends. I have no idea why the sudden change of heart that she made of our friendship but she just did. And it really hurt, especially at that certain time.<br /><br />When i saw her i went and sat on the opposite side of the classroom and put my face in a book. Mentally giving her the finger and calling her every bad word imaginable. Afterwards when i entered my last class i saw my ex- crush (oh, lets call him Cover Boy because of his long eyelashes). This isn't really a bad thing except for the fact that he might possibly think i'm crazy.<br /><br />Which i am but not the bad kind.<br /><br />Hey, it's not my fault i crushed on a guy who's really good friends with a girl and i got extremely jealous. And he might have noticed. I don't know, he might have. So every time i see his face i am constantly reminded about my behavior in the past. Which is embarrassing.<br /><br />God hates me, or likes to see me miserable. Either him/her or some other higher being. I think i might have been a terrible person in my past life because there is no freaken reason that all these bad stuff always happens to me. I mean i am not a bad person and believe it or not i do have a good heart but nothing good ever happens to me.<br /><br />I should stop admitting my fears because it seems like every time i reveal them they come true. <br /><br />I'm pretty much screwing myself over when i do.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-54088308845022438722009-08-12T19:28:00.000-07:002009-08-12T19:41:05.295-07:00Last Day Of Summer. (insert horror flick girl scream here)There is only a few hours of summer left for me I am sad to say. Pissed off actually. But I always am so that isn't new.<br /><br />Anyway, tomarrow I will see him. The boy that walked away from me on the last day of school. What will happen when i first see him. Will he say something? Apoligize maybe? Say he doesn't feel the same way? Or try to act normal and pretend it never happen? Or worse... ignore me...<br /><br />This is what I'll be freaking out about the whole night. Yup, while everyoone on this side of the world is sleeping I will be freaking out about him. And, yeah, everything else i always freak about on the last night of summer. <br /><br />Who's in my classes, who's in my lunch hour, are my friends going to be in my classes, will people i hate be in them instead? That sort of things. Oh, bejesus! Why is it that i hate drama but it always seems to find me? <br /><br />Crap i just copied that off a movie. Anyway, wish me luck...<br /><br />Psh, I'm screwed.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-29735045994595603302009-08-07T14:21:00.000-07:002009-08-12T15:29:40.156-07:00Bloody Enrollment!After returning from Mexico and finally seeing one of my best friends after 5 weeks and feeling very sisterhood of the traveling pants here... School's going to start soon.<br /><br />I only have 6 days of summer left and I am freaking out! Yesterday, was enrollment. Oh the forbidding, dreaded enrollment. Seeing classmates after a long peaceful summer and having to pretend you missed them. <br /><br />I didn't.<br /><br />NOT AT ALL!<br /><br />I was still in the car while my mom was trying to find a stupid parking and i had already saw three people i didn't much prefer to see. And the lines! The long ass lines that take FOREVER! That placed in hot, sweaty, stinky, no air conditioned hallways... it's a very rude awakening to a kid after a wonderful summer.<br /><br />Enrollment is a time for questions because it's a new grade and every kid has them. My mother didn't much agree with me though. Shocker.<br /><br />My mother can be very selfish at times and yesterday was one of those times. We started the day being already late to enrollment because she had to freaken clean the house (like the house couldn't wait!). Then when we were getting me a class shirt she got stuck picking between a small or a medium. She was all like " the medium is so big! My daughter's not that big. you're not that big! Let me see the small... oh this looks right. (She glances at the two girl I knew from school that were at the booth and selling them) Wait, are you two wearing a small? (The two girls nod) Oh, no this could never fit you! it's too small!"<br /><br />oh hell why doesn't the women just say to the whole student body and their parents that "hey everybody, I have a fat daughter!"<br /><br />Afterwards, because i had no idea where my freaken classed were i was looking for someone who could possibly show me around but my mother was being a total bitch and whining about this and that and wanting to leave. I was sick of it! I was sick of her! I was already sick of seeing faces I really hadn't wanted to see and still don't want to see. Let's face it I would have been happy if I never saw those people again. Especially, one face. <br /><br />A boy's face. A certain boy that I have given several nicknames to in the past but have finally come to one that finally suits him. Rodent!<br /><br />You see Rodent and I became friends during the beginning of 7th grade and then after winter break I was suddenly overcome by strange feelings for him. Suddenly I was beginning to adore his slightly high, awkward tone of voice, his baby brown eyes and i would just love how his cheeks were always the same rosy shade of pink. He was so adorable and reminded me of a cute little animal. A critter. A Chipmunk, actually. And so i started calling him that, which he hated but it was all in good fun. But in the middle of eight grade for some stupid reason I told Rodent that I liked him more then a friend. By doing that I pretty much messed up our friendship big time. The easy friendship started to crumble in on itself. Ever since I started calling him Chipmunk we had always been teased when we were together. We had always ignored it in the past but after I told him what all his friends had said about us was true... it got to him. I guess he couldn't handle the teasing anymore, espeacially when everyone started noticing my weight gain.<br /><br />I was hurt and mad. I know i should have ended our friendship once i started hearing what they were calling us (note: i refuse to repeat the names) but some part of me just didn't want to let go. But then his sister got involved (note: there is no way in hell that I am i ever going to repeat what happen) and after that happen... I couldn't even look at him.<br /><br />So for months I stayed away from him, when I saw him in the halls I'd run the other way. Not of fright (please, he's just like 5'6 or so, I'm more scared of his sister) but out of embarassment and hate. When i see his face I get mad and angry. I"m just full of hate and I need to punch something really bad. Pretty much I only run away because I don't want to accidently commit murder. jk you know that after my cousin died because of a fight I would never get in a fight. But really, i would most likely make a scene, and don't I make enough drama for myself anway?<br /><br />So back to enrollment, with me searching for someone's help and my mother whining behind me I enter another hall. And then one of my worst nightmares came true. Rodent and his sister, looking straight at me. I did a quik double take and my heart and ego crashed into one another. And then like a good little girl i bolted out of there leaving my mother in the dust. I didn't stop until i reached the car. Actually, I bet that if my mother hadn't had the keys (and even though I don't have a permit or licence yet, sadley even though I'm gonna turn 17 soon!) i probably, most likley, okay, definitly in a freaken heart beat would have drove home and left my mother at school.<br /><br />Hey, the woman has legs!missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-75250543115921463942009-07-22T16:24:00.000-07:002009-07-22T16:45:32.438-07:00VIVA A LA MEXICO!so here i am in a small dot of a town in the middle of mexico that makes my town seem like new york. Damn this place is so mexican that when i got a hamburger (last time i came they didn`t even know what a freaken hamburger was! so this is a major improvment)they put a pouch of chili sauce in my bag. and i was like what the hell? who would eat a freaken hamburger with CHILI SAUCE! it`s a hamburger not a taco! anyway for the first few days i actually just stayed inside my grandma`s house. couped up with a book. but not by choice though, of course. the reason being my spanish speaking skills are none existente. my problem is that i can understand people speaking spanish but i can`t speak it. i know crazy, right? it`s like being freaken mute! but tuesday i finally got to go out with a cousin of mine who live here and she introduced me to a bunch of people. i even met two teens that could speak english too and it was such a relief it was like i found a lost friend. i even saw a few cute looking boys and that was extremely fun (even though ì haven`t truely recovered by who shall remain nameless!). <br /><br />i had lot`s of fun yesturday it was almost like i was actually feeling like a normal teenager. it was nice. so nice actualloy that i cried that night. of happiness and sadness because it`s gonna end soon. like christmas. lol<br /><br />on the bighter note i lost 12 pounds last month. yay me! not so bright is that everyone in this town does nothing but eat and i hate it. i mean like all my aunts are like, gome, gome. eat, eat. and i`m like no.<br /><br />ha everyone thinks i`m like going anerexic and it`s getting on my nerves.<br />so yeah i gotta go this town only has computer cafe`s and i am paying for this and most of the keys are unfamiliar because it has all these spanish signs on it so bye!missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-81770544727244729402009-06-27T22:32:00.000-07:002009-06-27T23:47:35.221-07:00R.I.P. Michael Jackson... R.I.P. My Future!!!You would so not guess what happen to me this past week. First, i started my monday on the last day of summer school expeirencing dejavu, 2 times. Second, i dreamt a friend of mine that moved away last year would come back in 10th grade... the next day on myspace she's telling me she's coming back this school year. And last but definetly not least! Just a few days before Michael Jackson passed away... i (all out of freaken nowhere!!!) have a sudden urge to listen to Michael Jackson songs(epecially Billy Jean). I couldn't get enough of it and then he up and dies out of nowhere!!! WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.<br /><br />Ok, subject change as of now. My future has gone and turn into serious dog poopy. I managed to get a 2.8 for my GPA in 9th grade, not that bad, right. Considering how stupid kids are now these days. But my dream school has been NYU since i first began to read the Jessica Darling series (okay so she dreams of going to Columbia but let's be realistic people) and since then i wanted to go to NYU. I mean i can feel in my gut that it's the school for me. But after predicting my grades (at their best like straight A's and B's) for the rest of my school years and going to more summer school to change three other grades in my freshman year into A's... i only managed to get a 3.5! Which to pretty much garuntee admission i would have to get a 3.6.<br /><br />Crap. Shit. Fuck! (And i am not a fuck kind of person, i mean in word wise)<br /><br />There should be a cure to stupidity! Scentist should create some sort of meds for it. Why do my dreams have to be handicaped by my brain? This is cruel and unusual punishment! <br /><br />The bright side is Pace university requires at least a 3.0. I'm not sure about CCNY but it's probably the same... there could possibly be a chance that i could get into one of those universties and then wait a year there and then try to get into NYU from there...<br /><br />Hey, i can dream, right?missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-71130520710610889932009-06-17T20:30:00.000-07:002009-06-20T15:40:37.500-07:00Teachers Make a Hell of a Difference!Parents really should listen to their kids. "It's not me it's my teacher's fault!" <br /><br />Yes, that is a fact. So far, as i am almost finished with summer school, I have maintined a B. Funny, isn't it? Ha. Ha. Ha. <br /><br />NOT!!!! <br /><br />Through my recent discovery I have come to find that I can actually do well in Biology. With the right teacher. TEACHER: a person who teaches or instructs. Not someone who sits on their ass all day and give us impossible vocab quizes and super long test that I find myself barely staying awake durring! Bejesus! If you don't like teaching why do you do it? It can not be because of the money.<br /><br />So now I know it's not beacause i was stupid that i had to go to summer school. Its because my bio teacher was a lazyass and THAT is the reason i am in summer school. At last i have some closure people. -_- <br /><br />So thank you Bio teach, thank you for being a crappyass teacher and making me fail and go to summer school. <br /><br />P.S- Tomarrow i decided that i am THROUGH with that guy cyber stalking me. Because for the past week and a half he has been calling me non-stop!<br /><br />Question: If you called and texted someone twenty times a day and that person never got back to you and avoids you when that person sees you (and looks creeped out of her mind), would you eventually figure that person... WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!! AND WANTS YOU TO STOP IN THE NAME OF SWEET JESUS, STOP HARASSING THEM!?!?! <br /><br />Apparently, HE doesn't. <br /><br />So i decided, tomarrow. IT. IS. ON.<br /><br />I am going to sraight out tell the dude. STOP TEXTING ME AND CALLING ME! I DO NOT LIKE YOU! NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM! YOU CREEP ME OUT AND EVER SINCE YOU PUSHED MY CHAIR IN DRAMA CLASS IN 7TH GRADE, CAUSING ME TO HAVE BREATHING PROBLEMS FOR A WHOLE FREAKEN WEEK, I CAN NOT STAND YOU!!!! <br /><br />I don't care if i hurt his feelings or whatever. I'm mad and i'm not pretty when i'm mad.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-16068842038929733092009-06-08T18:22:00.000-07:002009-06-08T20:54:02.059-07:00Summer BluesOh, Summer thou hath been sweet to me. Lending me the isolation i crave and in dire need for by the end of the school year. In the past your lovely season gave me space from people. Separated me from my peers, gave me room to breathe. But now my summer is sadly cut short, taken away from me, pried out of my cold bleeding fingers and sliced in half before my eyes! Replaced, by something sinister, and evil. Something that it's sole reason of being is to drive me... slowly... insane...<br /><br />Summer School.<br /><br />AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why doesn't everyone just shoot me in the freaken butt! At least that would hurt much less. God knows it would be MUCH more quicker. <br /><br />Just letting you in on a little secret here that most people wouldn't ever guess about me (on account of me being a smart ass most of the time) I'm not really "smart", well not academically that is. I possibly on average am a B- student and science was never my strong point in the past. So of course i fail Biology in my first semester of 9Th grade! Ugh! Damn, Biology and it's little organisms, too! <br /><br />Luckily, i managed to skim by with a nice little D on my second semester. So that means i only have to make up one semester and so that means after this week and the next and one day no more school for me until August. Whoopie-freaken-doo for me!<br /><br />NOT.<br /><br />Oh, bejesus. I've just been rambling here. The real problem is not summer school (ok maybe just a smidgen). The real problem is this guy that's been chasing me since the middle of the school year! Apparently, he had to go to summer school, too (no surprise there, he doesn't look that studious) and all today he was trying to talk to me and I had to keep avoiding him. But by the end of the day he trapped me while i was waiting for my dad to pick me up. Seriously, i was trapped like a caged animal. I mean i admit i could have ran away from him but that's a bit harsh don't you think? Dang, I'm not that much of a bitch. So i was cornered and he asked me for my phone number and not knowing how to say no nicely (is there a way? If there is please tell me!) i gave my phone number to him.<br /><br />Ah, hell! What is wrong with the dude? I'm over weight, anti-social, i NEVER talk to him or his friends. So why is he so interested? Maybe it's because I'm a Mexican girl who acts white, looks Asian, and has a black girls ass and boobs. <br /><br />Why couldn't the guy that i liked all year liked me instead? And what makes no sense is that in 7Th grade that guy who's chasing me was completely mean to me back then! God this universe is so crazy it make ME sane.missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9073517249603590911.post-39144109138795973852009-06-07T00:41:00.000-07:002009-06-07T02:39:38.326-07:00My Forgotten Intro...Crap... i got off then i got right back on again. So there i was in my bed going sleepy, when all of a sudden i remember i never fully introduced myself, just in case anyone happens to ever read this random blog. <br />So here it goes.<br /><br />I love to write short stories and poetry. i want to become an author someday and i'm pretty damn close to becoming one if i ever stop procrastinating and finish one of my novels. I think i have like 13 novels or so and that are just the ones i managed to write down not including the ones i have in my head that keep me up late at night. I'm definitely an odd ball. The black sheep in my family. I have friends but only two i seem to hang out with and that i consider "close" and to be honest i still can't see them ever being able to "get me". <br /><br />My family is... a whole bunch of crazy. My dad literally speaks a different language then me and he insists on thinking i'm still only 12 years old because i am his "little girl". I haven't spoken to my older half sister for a whole year because of matters i prefer not to discuss. My other older sister who was usually the troublesome in the family (tried to commit suicide twice) is okay, i guess, except for her usual drama (bf problems). My older brother got a chick pregnant who has another baby with some other dude and he's supposedly schizo and might hurt my brother. And my mother... well... lets just say i don't have all day. Yet apparently i seem to love them all the same even though i can't stand being in the same room with them for more then 10 seconds. <br /><br />It's not that that i hate my family, i just... when i'm with them all i can see is that i don't belong. And i get sad... which leads to depressive... which grows to moody... and ends in me getting pissed off and my mom yelling at me to not get a suppose attitude with her. And apparently i ruin the whole night with my bitchiness. Well, i'm sorry mommy, really. It's not my fault i don't like getting ignored. <br /><br />Enough about my family, i've already come to terms that i will never belong in the world so why should i expect i would belong with my family as well? People like me were always meant to observe the world, never become one with it.<br /><br />I mean i've tried to be a "normal" teen. I once lived in that world, i went out every weekend, had a new boyfriend every month, and had fake ass friends. Was i happy? I was a freaken moron who ended up having her two best friends at the time stab her in the back right after her first love broke her heart. <br /><br />Ahh... my first love, how sweet it all was. The butterflies, the hugs that made my knees grow weak enough to one day make me fall right afterwards. The blushing and holding hands... and who could forget the drugs. Oh, yes... i fell for a druggie but not just a druggie but a dealer, too. Of course at the beginning i never would have guessed he was into drugs. Hell, i was only 13 i didn't even know kids at my school did that stuff yet. Apparently, i was the last to know a lot of things at my school. Still am, unfortunately. Hey, it's not my fault i'm too concerned with my own well being that i'm oblivious to the world around me! Yet by the time i found out, he had already broke my heart and i found myself not caring that he wasn't the guy i had thought i knew. I was already in love with him! <br /><br />Madly and deeply, almost nauseatingly in love with him. So much in love that it caused a whole new chapter of my life. A dark chapter. A bloody chapter. A chapter that consumed me all and brought out a whole different side of me, a someone i didn't know was ever there but was, all along. She took over me and i was pushed deep inside me, buried from within and locked up tight. From there i watched as she poisoned my mind into thinking i could get <strong>him</strong> back. By cutting. She cut me and damaged my body in every way she could. Made me hate myself. <br /><br />Yet she also brought out beautiful poetry. <br /><br />And that's why, when i finally managed to break free and get control i decided to keep her. Instead of getting rid of her i kept her and locked her deep inside, only letting her out when i write poetry. <br /><br />When I got my body back though i found it wasn't the same body from before. More like 40 to 30 pounds heavier then before. Yes, my body found the comfort of food while i was away and now i am constantly trying to lose the weight and get my old body back.<br /><br />I eventually, after 2 years, learned to live without the guy and fortunately because he got caught dealing at school he's suspended until next January so i don't have to see him anymore and watch him ignore me.<br /><br />My friends are always wondering why i ever fell for the guy, i mean we were so different. I admit i'm not the same as before i met him, please if i was ever that naive again i would hope someone would shoot me, but i'm not into drugs. I've never done drugs, drank alcohol (ok a tiny sip of vodka but i spit it out like a freaken millisecond later in the sink because it tasted like freaken medicine. Seriously, how can people drink that stuff???), or even smoked a cigarette (not even a puff, thank you). It's not that i don't like the stuff i just see it as pointless. Plus i've seen the affect it has on people, for example my big brother. First time he drank he threw up right in front of my dad when he was like 17, got grounded for three months including my second big sis on account of she let him drink at the party in the first place. <br /><br />I also never get in trouble at school, whole year this year i never had a detention. Bad stuff and me, just never seem to be in the same room together. Don't get me wrong i'm not a goodie goodie. I just don't get tempted into the dark side that much. The whole thing about defying rules is just stupid, i mean just follow the rules at school, if you do then they'll leave you the hell alone.<br /><br />I look back on what i said now and it's a lot but even writing this much i still haven't even told you half of my life. Just a smidgen of it. But hey i have time, i'll get around to it. Eventually...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA6m1X0VesYWdm-J9op6AzVa38d71DuE3OnmCNGphu_D0NgQ4Z2VOSA_dYNbNhxVwEXbU8EeELY-lB6R40dd3VpV8gKnv3LsrFJlNKs4HM9TbvJY74ZJuai5K_nqsMMqodaRboDI-6ekY/s1600-h/gothic46%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA6m1X0VesYWdm-J9op6AzVa38d71DuE3OnmCNGphu_D0NgQ4Z2VOSA_dYNbNhxVwEXbU8EeELY-lB6R40dd3VpV8gKnv3LsrFJlNKs4HM9TbvJY74ZJuai5K_nqsMMqodaRboDI-6ekY/s320/gothic46%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344517710069808114" /></a>missunderstood33http://www.blogger.com/profile/11795811624316254201noreply@blogger.com1